Total pages in book: 149
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 141255 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 706(@200wpm)___ 565(@250wpm)___ 471(@300wpm)
“Hey! You don’t fucking decide that shit.”
“I know. But that’s what I think.”
“Fuck.”
“I have a right to voice my opinion so that’s what I’m doing.”
“Yeah, well you already made a decision that wasn’t yours to make by telling Lisa about Pop so don’t you fucking dare cross that line by telling Lisa’s secret.”
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“But yet you did it to me…”
“You’re my husband. It’s our story, not just yours. I was there. I had your father’s gun to my temple. I saw him point his gun at you, too, and I’ve watched you torment yourself every single day since. It’s our story, not just yours.” She had tears in her eyes.
I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair.
“I need to do something, Tommy. I need to help us move on. We can’t stay in this trap where you are angry at yourself and what happened and where you stop me from living because you’re afraid of more blowback.”
“You not happy with me?” I felt my gut twist.
“It’s not that.”
I felt sick. I sat on the floor in front of the door and leaned back against it. I pulled a knee up and let out a long breath.
“You could’ve had me from the start, you know?” she said. “I would’ve been yours from the minute you tied that cherry stem into a knot. You could’ve had me and played your cards in such a way that you’d never have had to hurt me, you’d never have lost me. But you didn’t wanna court me. No, you had to claim me. I’m yours anyway, it was just a lot more painful and traumatizing of a journey this way. I know that this is who you are. And I love you. I don’t want anyone but you, all of your many layers and flavors. But I don’t want to keep living like this. I don’t want to live in fear.” Her voice cracked and she whispered, “Fear of you strangling me in your sleep. Fear that I’ll have to watch you wake from nightmares every night because this is eating you up inside. Fear that I’ll have no choice but to run away from you if I want a normal life. Fear that I’ll never ever leave because I can’t imagine living without you so instead I’ll doom myself to being cooped up walking on eggshells because you’re in so much pain and won’t do anything about it.”
“I’m doing therapy, Tia. I’m trying, damn it.”
“And I don’t want you to stop trying. You’re barely trying, though, honey. I know you hate the therapy. You do one hour a week because that’s the minimum you can get away with. But I don’t think it’s enough. Oliver is here now. Spend more time with him. Don’t just give up and let the pain eat you up until you’re a shell of a man.”
I sighed. She walked over and sat beside me and put her head on my shoulder. I put an arm around her.
“I love you. I want to help you. Let me help you.”
“I love you, baby girl. And you are helping me. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for you. I’d be dead or rotting in jail. Come here.” I put my arms around her and then we got up and I hiked her up so her legs were around my waist.
I carried her to the bed and then I gently made love to her, slowly, showing every inch of her body my full attention. Then, after she was asleep, I went down to the kitchen. I saw Oliver heading into the pool house so I grabbed two beers and knocked on the door to the pool house.
Oliver seemed like the kinda guy you could sit and shoot the shit with and chatting with a couple beers might be a whole lot easier than sitting at the computer staring at the guy’s mug on my screen.
I found Angel in bed, staring off into space.
“How are you?” I asked her.
She shrugged.
“Angel, do you want to see him? This could bring you some closure.”
“Do you think I should see him?
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
“What’s going to happen to him?”
“I don’t know yet. I just had a talk with Joseph Lucas, a Kruna partner. I told him I hadn’t decided. I haven’t talked to Jason myself yet.”
She shuddered and then asked. “Where is he?”
“Here.”
“Here? Joseph Lucas is here?” She looked horrified.
“No, Jason’s here. He’s in a horse stall in the barn. I’ve got six guys watching him.
Her eyes widened.
“You wanna talk to him, it’s a one-minute walk. You don’t, I go talk to him. From there I decide whether or not to turn him over to Kruna or I take him out myself.”
I knew my expression was hard and some guys would never tell their girl that this was something they’d do. But she needed to know who I was. At my core, I was a Ferrano and I would not allow anyone to fuck me over, to take what was mine, to threaten my life or the lives of people I loved. Whether this guy started out as a good guy, whether he was just dealing with the hand he was dealt, or was a bad apple, I’d have a conversation with him and then I’d make my decision. I’d let her have a conversation first, if that’s what she wanted to do.