Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 85490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 85490 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 427(@200wpm)___ 342(@250wpm)___ 285(@300wpm)
Mom nods very slowly. I can tell she’s struggling with this, but at least she’s not screeching for joy, which is what Elena would do. “This feels very sudden to me,” she says, sounding very guarded.
I try not to react defensively. Which is difficult, since I’m putting myself out there right now, and I hate letting myself get into situations where someone else has control over my life and my emotions. “I understand why you think that, but this has been bubbling for a while.”
“It’s a good thing, don’t get me wrong. It’s just, I worry about you, Laura. You’ve barely left your house for years and you stopped going to therapy. The last time we talked, you said you’re over what happened, but what if you get triggered away from home? Somewhere we couldn’t help you?”
I take several deep breaths and force myself to stay calm. I knew Mom was going to bring all this up. The others are afraid of me—for good reason—and they tip-toe around my emotions the best they can. But Mom’s never been like that. She says what she thinks, even if it pisses me off and makes me want to smash her skull with a rock. And I have plenty of good skull-smashing rocks in my basement.
“I haven’t had a bad panic attack in years,” I tell her.
“You also have been hiding in your basement all that time. Sweetie, please understand, I want this for you. I just worry you’re not thinking it through.”
I lay my hands flat on the table to keep myself from fidgeting. “At some point, I’m going to have to take the chance,” I say without meeting her gaze. I hate feeling vulnerable like this. “I’m not asking for a lot. All I want is a car.”
“What if we made a deal? You can have a car if you agree to start going to therapy again?”
I grimace slightly and close my eyes. I spent years parading through various offices, meeting with an array of different kind of mental health counselors, and while some of them helped, I still hated cutting myself open again and again. “That’s not an option.”
“Laura, it helped. I know you don’t think so—”
“All I want is a car. Will you talk to Simon for me?”
She sighs and turns her tea mug around in slow circles. “I’ll talk to him,” she says after a pause. “But I want you to process what happened. What if you meet someone like him again?”
“That’s not going to happen.” I think of Jackal and wonder if I already have. A predator, but Jackal’s a different kind of predator. He makes me feel alive in a way I haven’t in a very long time, and that has to count for something.
“I just worry. That’s all.”
“I’m not fifteen anymore.” I look up and meet my mother’s gaze, even if it’s massively uncomfortable. “What happened when I was a kid won’t happen again.”
There are tears in her eyes. We haven’t done this in a very long time, but I know what she’s going to say next. I push back from the table.
“I just don’t want to be complicit in something bad happening to you again, that’s all.”
“Mom, please don’t make me responsible for your feelings. What happened wasn’t your fault. We’ve gone over this.” I turn toward the door. “Thanks for the tea.”
“Will you at least consider going back to Dr. DeLuca?”
“I’ll think about it.” Although I have no real plans to follow through, at least saying that makes Mom look less stressed out.
“I’m happy, Laura, I really am. I’m glad you want a little autonomy. It’s a good thing. I just don’t want you to rush, that’s all.”
I hesitate before leaving. “Mom, I’m twenty-eight. I’ve barely left my house, and forget about the oasis. I’ve been in prison here for over ten years, and for the first time in my life, I want to see what the world’s like out there. Maybe I’ll fuck up and get hurt, but that’s the risk everyone takes, right?”
Mom sighs and touches my arm. “You grew up too fast.”
“That’s the problem. I don’t feel like I grew up at all.” I pat her hand and leave. I don’t like the way that meeting went, but at least she’ll get me the car. Simon would probably turn me down, but with Mom speaking up on my side, he’ll probably give in and give me what I want.
Maybe I should feel bad that I’m not telling them why. But if they knew about Jackal, there’s no way in hell they’d let me anywhere near the outside world. And I can’t really blame them.
This is objectively insane.
I’ve spent hours thinking about Jackal’s identity and his motives. I’ve gone through a dozen different scenarios, some bad, some good. He could be a spy for another family and he’s just trying to use me to hurt my brothers. Or he could be a rich art patron that sees me as the next hot thing. Or a man with good taste and a dark streak like mine.