Total pages in book: 29
Estimated words: 26503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 133(@200wpm)___ 106(@250wpm)___ 88(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 26503 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 133(@200wpm)___ 106(@250wpm)___ 88(@300wpm)
“I was thinking about you this morning,” he finally says, breaking the silence. My face warms. There is no darkness to hide in right now. The sun is shining down bright and lighting everything up. “Hell, I’m always thinking about you, Libby.”
I peek over at him, and his blue eyes look even darker. Sadder.
“You can’t stand to be around me most of the time,” I throw back at him. I know he’s been avoiding me. I thought it was because I annoyed him, but now things aren’t looking as clear as I once thought they were. I’m the silly girl wanting the older guy who doesn’t see her as anything more than a kid. But this is all jumbled up and I’m trying to piece it together.
He lets out a humorless laugh. “I want nothing more in this whole fucking world than to be close to you, baby girl.”
His jaw clenches and his fists ball up on his lap, like he’s trying to keep from touching me.
“Me, too,” I admit.
His mouth opens slightly as his hands go to grab me, but I jump up to my feet, barely dodging his touch. He follows suit, coming to his feet, too, his eyes locked on me and that sadness gone. All that’s left behind is hunger.
“I’ve been holding back thinking you didn’t want me. That you…” He points his finger at me. “…Only saw me as your older brother.” He says it as if he can read my mind. “I didn’t even think dating or men were on your mind until Dad said something last time I called. I couldn’t stop myself from coming down here and checking on you. Wondering what kind of man got your attention. What lucky fucking bastard had finally caught your eye.”
I don’t know what he’s talking about. I haven’t been dating, and I don’t know why Ned would tell him that. There had been a little push from my mom about it, her asking if I thought about dating, but that was pretty much it. Only a few comments from her, but nothing specific.
“I’ve only ever wanted you Jasper.” He takes a step towards me, and I retreat a step back, putting my hands up. He can’t touch me. If he touches me, it will be like last night all over again. I’ll melt into him and probably never let go. Pain flashes across his face at my retreat. “My mom.”
I force out the words because I know he loves my mom, too. Jasper’s mom was gone when she found out tricking Ned into knocking her up wasn’t going to get her a place in his home. Her plan had failed and she’d left town, never looking back at either Jasper or Ned. My mom was the only mom Jasper ever knew. The only woman Ned had ever brought around him, and I know she means as much to him as she does to me. Mom is hard not to love. She gives you no choice but to love her. She’ll do anything in the world for you, and I don’t want to hurt the one thing she cares about most in the whole world—her family. And Jasper and I are messing with that by doing this.
“Our mom,” I correct. “We could rip this family apart, and I know it means as much to you as it does to me.”
“But you want me. You just won’t act on it because of our parents?” he asks and takes another step towards me. I back up even more, but my back hits the house as he closes the distance between us, caging me in. He plants his hands on either side of my head as he leans down to get even closer. I stare up at him, not sure what to say. “Say it,” he pushes. “Say you want me.”
“Jasper, how could you not know that? I followed you around everywhere until you stopped wanting to be around me.”
“I stayed away from you because I knew how bad I wanted you. That if I got too close, things like last night would happen. But now—”
“Nothing’s changed,” I say, cutting across him. “If anything, it’s worse.” I can see the hope in his eyes. That we can really have this, but we can’t. I plead with him. “Knowing this isn’t one-sided only makes it hurt more.”
I’m trying to get him to understand how hurtful this is going to be. That now we both have to move on, despite knowing the other wants this, too. My hand goes to his chest, and my fingers dig into his shirt. I don’t want to let go, but at the same time I’m telling him we can’t do this.
A half-smile pulls at his perfect, full lips, and I remember what they felt like on me last night. I want them on me again. Maybe we could have just one more moment, because it’s going to hurt when we have to end this.