Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 84250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84250 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 337(@250wpm)___ 281(@300wpm)
I fight the urge to cry because there's nothing worse than having to do something every day that you positively hate. I get the feeling that there will come a day when I'll have to distance myself and Larkin away from that toxic woman. I have no idea what they say in front of my child about me. I'd like to think she has a little more decorum than that, but some days, I'm not so sure.
Larkin is all smiles when I pull up to the small park in town. It doesn't offer much more than a tiny jungle gym, a double set of swings, and a slide, but for a three-year-old, this place must look like Disneyland.
She chooses the slide first like she always does, but after four times of climbing the stairs and flying down the thing, she's ready for a break. I follow her to the swing, wondering if her pink cheeks are from exertion or if it's too cold to have her out here. There are no other kids playing and that seems a little unusual for a Saturday, but I sort of like the isolation. I don't have to worry about side-eyes or judgment, and I certainly don't have to worry about someone misconstruing my words and thinking I need them to intervene in my life. I know people mean well, but their propensity to help me has made me want to stay at my house and not speak to anyone. Being a single parent is lonely enough.
I help Larkin into the toddler swing and push her gently. Her beautiful blonde hair alternates between flying behind her and whipping into her face. Her squeals of delight make me smile before they make me sad.
I fight the urge to apologize for not being a better mother.
This is not how I pictured my life.
"Climb, Mommy!" Larkin says, pointing to the jungle gym.
I slow the swing and pull her out once it's safe.
"Be careful," I urge, watching her run across the playground in her bulky clothing without a care in the world.
I take a seat at one of the park benches and watch her play. Like always, I let my mind wander to what my life could've looked like if Hux hadn't died.
He promised to take care of her when I came to him a month after we hooked up with a positive pregnancy test. He didn't hesitate. After coming to Lindell three years ago, I can see why his first instinct wasn't to accuse me of trying to trap him or arguing that he wasn't the father. Men in Lindell don't seem to ever shirk their responsibilities.
We didn’t marry because we were in love. He felt obligated, or maybe it was because he saw no other way.
With how irresponsible he was with his money and the situation he left us in, I have to wonder if the man ever had any real intention of keeping his promises. Maybe he was more of a talk-a-good-game but never-follow-through sort of man. I couldn't answer the question one way or the other. I didn't know him very well at all.
"Mommy?"
I jolt at the sound of her voice right beside me as I'm hit with another wave of guilt for getting distracted and in my own head that I didn't even notice her climb down from the jungle gym. I can only imagine what Nora would say if she knew.
"What, sweetheart?" I ask, smiling at her and feeling grateful that she didn't get hurt during my moment of neglect.
"You're sad." She traces the side of my face as I pull in a heavy, deep breath.
"I'm cold," I tell her, giving my body an overexaggerated shiver. "Are you ready to go meet Cale and Cole?"
Thankfully, it's all it takes for her to forget her concern for me.
Fifteen minutes later, we're pulling up outside of Madison and Chase's mansion of a home.
Larkin couldn't care less how big the house is. She's a pretty easygoing kid. She loves all the toys the Kennedys buy for her, but she's also just as content to play with her troll dolls and, thanks to Adalynn and Walker's meddling, she loves riding her little car around our tiny backyard. Okay, riding might be too strong of a word. She mostly drives it into the fence before I have to turn her around to do the same thing on the other side of the yard. She's nowhere near ready for a driver's license, but she'll get the hang of it eventually.
After unbuckling Larkin from her car seat and helping her out of the car, I grab her bag.
Madison is all smiles on the porch, waiting for us to make our way to her. It doesn't annoy me as much as it does when I pull up at the Kennedys' house and Nora is waiting.