Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
“Because I know how life can be.”
He doesn’t seem to get where I’m going with this.
“I know you said you want me to keep seeing other people,” I say. “I get it, and I agree that maybe it’s the right thing to do and that it’s wrong to jump into something right after being in a relationship, but I think what I’m feeling for you is becoming a problem.”
“A problem?” he asks, sitting up in bed so that his face is just inches from mine. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. You did a lot of things right. That’s what the issue is. I don’t think I can go on dates anymore. Like I said earlier, the whole time I was with Sebastian, I just wanted to be with you. I have a feeling if I keep staying here, we keep hanging out together, that’s not going to go away. Whenever we hang out, even just to watch a movie or chat after working all day, I like you more and more, and it’s like even all this time we’re spending around each other isn’t enough. And tonight at the bar, when I heard you saying that shit to Lance, it made me realize how much I want that. Not running around town with one guy after another. I can get sex. I know that. I’ve never had an issue there, and I’m not feeling like I couldn’t go fuck my way through this town if I wanted to, but I’m after a little more than that.”
Cody glances around uneasily.
His expression concerns me.
“Is that not what you want?” I ask.
“No, it is what I want. I’m just worried about holding you back. You just got out of this relationship with a guy who didn’t want you to have any fun at all, and I want you to get that back.”
“I’ve had fun with you. You’re not holding me back at all. You have a crush on me. I have a crush on you. I don’t want to see other people. What do you want?”
He smiles and moves in for a kiss. It’s soft. Sweet.
And feels so goddamn good.
When he pulls away, he rests his forehead on mine.
“I want this. I like what we have. What we share. I like knowing that when I come home, you’re going to be here to watch a movie with me. A guy I can make dinner with. Well, in this case, who I can watch make dinner and maybe assist at times.”
I chuckle.
“I want to go on a date with you,” Cody says, and my cheeks get warm.
“You’re blushing,” he says.
“Shut up,” I tell him.
“It’s cute.”
I roll my eyes.
“Whatever.”
“You totally want to go on a date with me. Just admit it.”
“I would like that a lot, actually.”
He beams, and it’s so reassuring.
“You know what I would like?” Cody asks. “To get to know the real Hayden.”
“The real Hayden?”
“Yeah. That stuff Lance was getting onto you about tonight just made me realize there’s so much I don’t know. So much I want to know.”
“That means you have to share some more, too.”
“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”
Despite the innuendo, I appreciate what he’s saying, and I want to share with him. Because he doesn’t judge me. He’s not like Lance, who I couldn’t tell shit to. And really, he’s not like anyone I’ve ever met. It’s easy to let my defenses down around him because I don’t feel like there’s a reason for them when we’re together.
“When I lived in LA,” I say, “I had a hard time. I was going out to the bars, meeting lots of friendly people. I didn’t have money, and I was working all the time, so I just tried to have fun when I could. But I didn’t know who I really was. The drugs helped me forget. They helped make the pain a little more bearable. I had this friend. We got high a lot together. I was running out of money real fast. Waiting tables wasn’t paying for the high cost of living in that town. And he suggested that I do a little video. Said I could use a fake name. People do it all the time. I didn’t feel weird about it, either, since he told me I could do it on my own. And it was a way to make some quick cash. I mean, I jerk off anyway, so what does it matter if someone else is watching, you know? So I did it. Of course, I was high just because that was the only way I could make myself go through with it. That’s when I realized what a shit life I was trapped in the middle of. Because really? I had to fucking shoot porn to pay my rent since I was spending the rest of it on weed, coke, and ecstasy. It just didn’t seem like living. It wasn’t me. Wasn’t who I wanted to be.