Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Savannah laughed at how animated they got, even more so when Lili screeched and said, “They have kitten cafes here. Kittens!”
“We need to go,” Jade said. The two of them buried their heads in their cells, searching for the closest one. I caught Savannah looking at our new friends with such deep affection on her pretty face. She’d told me she was going to drink in every second of our time in Japan.
Because this was it. This was the end.
My heart twisted at the thought of leaving this group behind. I might not have been the most inspiring member of our mismatched group, but I’d come to care for them all—deeply. None more so than the petite blond beside me, who was leaning over and looking at a café location that Lili was showing her.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and held on as she talked to the girls. I hadn’t known it was possible to miss someone before they’d actually left you, but that’s where I was with Savannah. Each day spent here was one step closer to having to say goodbye to the girl who had become my world, my pillar holding me up. My only solace was that she was coming to New England in the fall.
How I’d cope without her until then was anyone’s guess.
“Let’s go,” Savannah said, wrapping her arm around my waist. I raised my eyebrow. “What?” she asked playfully. “You don’t want a cup of coffee while being jumped on by cats?”
A humored smirked pulled on my lip. It was so rare for me to smile lately, the act felt strange. Clearly, Savannah thought the same, as her gaze softened at my flicker of a smile.
As for Savannah, she was doing incredible. She was still introverted—that was just who she was. But there was a lightness to her now. A sense of peace radiated from her pores.
And she hadn’t had an anxiety attack for weeks.
I knew Japan was special to her. She’d told me about Poppy’s desire to see the cherry blossom trees here. She’d never made it.
Even I felt goose bumps break out along my skin when I realized we had arrived in Japan when most of the cherry blossoms were in bloom. Like I felt about Savannah, it felt like something bigger had conspired to have her here when the trees she associated with her sister were in full flower. We had seen some in Tokyo. But in a couple of days, we were to travel to Kyoto. That was where we would take part in the cherry blossom festivals.
I wanted to be excited. I wanted to feel at peace and feel stronger. But I didn’t. I’d been talking to Leo a lot still. I knew I was behind the group now. I wouldn’t be going home healed. I’d be going home raw. And there was a part of me that feared what I’d become without this group. Without Leo and Mia, and especially Savannah. Would I sink further into sadness, or would the anger I’d fought so hard to cast away come rushing back the minute I was faced with the triggers of home?
Leo and Mia had offered me more help. The truth was, reframing my thoughts about Cillian taking his own life was no longer my biggest issue. It was that, for a year now, I couldn’t get the way he’d died from my mind. How I had witnessed it. Saw him. Held him and watched him die.
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw it. When I felt tired, I saw it. I heard a car horn, a screech of tires, and I was thrust back there, Cillian in my arms, broken and fucking gone.
I recalled the conversation I’d had with Leo only a few days ago during our one-on-one …
“Cael, Mia and I have been talking, and we think you’d benefit from further help.”
I didn’t even react but for a small turn of my stomach. The truth was, I knew it. I felt it. I nodded my head. I would do whatever was needed. I wasn’t even going to put up a fight. What I had witnessed was traumatic, and, I knew, it would take me longer to heal. If I wanted to be better for Savannah, for my parents, for me, I had to keep going.
“After this trip, we’ll find you help at home.” Leo paused, then said, “We think a residential program might be best. To really dig deep and help you through.” Leo waited until I met his eyes. “Is that something you’d be willing to do?”
“Yes,” I said. I pictured Savannah’s face again. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Come back to me,” Savannah said, breaking through that memory. Her hands were on my face, in the center of Tokyo, thousands of people milling around us like they were water running around our stationary rock. I breathed and felt like crumbling. I was getting so tired of dealing with this grief.