Total pages in book: 143
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 130275 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 651(@200wpm)___ 521(@250wpm)___ 434(@300wpm)
Maybe it was because she was breaking too. I gave her two squeezes right back. A flush bloomed on her pale cheeks.
“Being here. Away from Texas—my home,” Jade said. “It’s given me time to breathe.” She gave a watery smile. “I think it’s helping. It’s helping me sort some things out in my mind.”
Lili laid her head on Jade’s shoulder. They had grown close since landing in England. So close that Lili offered her support by saying, “I lost both my parents.” Savannah flinched, her hand pulling slightly in mine, like that thought was a dagger to her heart. I held her tighter, giving her an anchor, and found myself thinking of my mom and dad. My gut twisted when I thought of how I was when they saw me off at JFK. I hadn’t even said goodbye. I’d still had zero communication with them. I didn’t even know how I’d begin …
“They were recreational sailors. Loved the water.” She smiled, and I saw the love she had for them shining through her sadness, even in the dark. “One day they went out to sea and a storm blew in unexpectedly.” Her bottom lip trembled. Jade wrapped her arm around her. “The boat was found, wrecked. But they never were.”
“I’m sorry,” Dylan said, and I wanted to say the same. But I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know how they were able to.
Lili smiled at Dylan and wiped her tears from her cheeks. “I think this trip is helping me too.” She looked to Jade. “Having others who are going through the same thing … it helps. Makes me feel less lonely.” She sat up straighter. “I’m an only child. I live with my grandparents now, who are great, but I feel like I’ve been going through this alone … and … yeah …” she trailed off with a tired sigh. It’s not the same, I finished off for her in my head.
It wasn’t. I loved my mom and dad. They had lost their eldest son. I had lost my brother and best friend. We couldn’t understand each other’s grief because it was different. An ache set in my chest when it hit me—I was an only child now too. And that was the worst thing … that he’d left me all alone. For the rest of my days.
I caught Jade and Lili’s curious eyes landing on me, Savannah, Travis, and Dylan, obviously wondering if we would share our stories too. But I wasn’t going to speak about Cill. I couldn’t. I’d barely told Savannah anything, and what I did confide in her felt like I was ripping out my heart as I did so. By the stiffness in Savannah’s body, and the way her pretty eyes were downcast, I think she felt the same.
Travis cleared his throat and sat on the edge of his chair. His eyes were darting nervously around the group. “You don’t have to share if you’re not ready,” Dylan said, voice supportive. He and Travis had grown closer of late too. It seemed we were all pairing off. I looked down at my hand in Savannah’s.
I was glad she was with me … more than glad.
“No,” Travis said, and “I can talk,” he said but closed his eyes, like it was easier to say this out loud if he couldn’t see everyone before him. “I was the only survivor in my class from a school shooting.” The blood ran from my face when he revealed that. I couldn’t imagine … I didn’t even know how to react to that.
“Travis …” Dylan said and immediately crossed the fire to where he sat. He kneeled beside him. Travis opened his eyes and smiled, but it was strained, and his lips trembled. His trauma was exposed for us all to see.
“It’s the guilt that’s the worst, you know?” Travis said and wrung his hands together. “Like, why me? Why was I the only one he didn’t hit? Out of a class of twelve, I was the only one who dodged a bullet.” Travis shook his head and his chin wobbled as he fought to fight back his tears. “That’s what I can’t get over. I see parents of my friends looking at me sometimes and I know they’re wondering why it was me and not their child that was spared.” He let out a humorless laugh. “I ask myself that too. But mainly …” He took a deep breath. “They were my friends. I’m from a small town in rural Vermont. I’d known these kids since kindergarten, some even before that. They were my only friends, and now they are all gone. And I witnessed them—”
Dylan wrapped Travis up in a hug before he could finish that sentence. Some things didn’t need to be said out loud to be understood. Savannah sniffed beside me, and when I turned to her, tears streamed down her face. They looked orange in the light of the fire. I couldn’t bear seeing her this way, the sight splitting me apart. So, I shifted my chair until it was right next to her.