Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
“I’m not dating other people,” I say with little emotion. It’s taking all I have not to let her see me bleed.
“Well …” She shakes her head and waves a hand. “Dating. Hooking up. Whatever. I’m just saying … your charity saved me. It got me to where I am today. I will forever feel indebted to you. But … your generosity is no longer needed.”
“Charity. Generosity.” I nod slowly. “I see,” I whisper, rubbing my lips together. “And where you’re at today is in a hotel room eating overpriced room service by yourself and raiding the minibar. If this is where my charity and generosity got you, then I’m not overly proud of myself.”
“Zach, stop.”
“And for the record, the woman you saw at my house is a friend, a fellow pilot. She ended up in Atlanta with a longer layover than originally planned, so I offered to let her stay with me instead of at a hotel.”
She gives me a tight smile. “As you would because you’re generous to a fault. Maybe she needs good insurance too. And I’m hoarding your wife status at the moment, so all the more reason to have me sign the papers.”
“Em …” I drop my head and sigh. “I don’t know what you want from me.” I don’t know how to love you … fairly.
“I just told you.”
I lift my head again. “You want a divorce?”
“I want you to be free,” she says.
“Who says I’m not?”
“Not one call. Not one text. If not the woman at your house, is there someone else?”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Have you dated?”
“No.”
Emersyn grits her teeth for a second before taking a hard swallow. “Are you waiting around for me?”
“No.” My voice shakes, a little on edge. I’m waiting on myself. I’m waiting for … fuck, I don’t know.
Time.
I’m waiting for time. Isn’t that the most simplistic answer to the question?
In time, she’ll find someone else, someone who’s on the same path.
In time, I’ll feel like she truly doesn’t need me, instead of her telling me that when I know it’s not yet true.
“Then what are you doing?” She raises her voice and immediately flinches with regret.
“I work. I spend time with family and friends. I take care of my house and yard. I get haircuts. Go to the dentist. Shop for groceries. Watch TV. I’m living. That’s what I’m doing.”
And missing her. God … I’ve missed her every single day. It’s no longer tomato paste and peanut butter that distracts me from thinking about Suzanne. It’s Emersyn. My wife.
“Well…” she shrugs “…there you go. You’ve just made my point.”
“Which is?”
“That you have a life. A job. Family and friends. And if on rare occasions you have time alone to miss your wife, I’m not the wife you’re missing.”
I wince. I can’t help it. That fucking hurt. “Why would you say that?”
“Uh …” She crosses her arms over her chest. “Maybe because you haven’t made contact with me in months!”
Another wince. “If you needed me, you could have called me. I would have come to you, talked on the phone, whatever you wanted.”
“So … you make time for your family and friends. Does that mean they call you when they’re in need?”
“Not necessarily.”
Emersyn gives me a careful nod. “You see them because you want to see them?”
Inching my head side to side, I narrow my eyes. “It’s different.”
“Of course it’s different. You obviously care about them. You want to talk to them. You want to know how they’re doing.”
“I care about you.”
“Obviously,” she scoffs.
“Em … I’m giving you space and time. I’ve told you this. Your dreams matter the most to me. It’s because I care—” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “It’s because I love you that I’m not demanding your time. Let’s just be really clear about this, okay?”
She draws in a shaky breath, tears in her eyes, jaw set.
I continue. “I. Love. You. I knew it in Malaysia; I just had no clue what to do with this love. I miss all the moments we’ve shared together and all the moments we may never share. But loving you means not letting you get sidetracked with us when you’re so young with such a bright future ahead of you. And when you left, I knew that my presence in your life and our unconventional relationship was a distraction. I refuse to be a hurdle or an excuse for you to give up pursuing your passion. To what? Be a wife? Is that your life’s goal? I may have given you encouragement and the means to follow your dreams, but I’m no longer that person in your life. I’m nothing more than your weakest link, a rusty old anchor that will keep you from experiencing passion … the passion you have within yourself. Don’t let anyone keep you from that.”