Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106798 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 534(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 356(@300wpm)
It’s been almost five months since I’ve seen him. I wanted to come home for the anniversary of Suzie’s death, but it wasn’t convenient. Honestly, I wasn’t sure he’d want me here for that. Five months feels like five years. My hands itch to touch him. Is he still mine to touch? I’m not sure he ever was mine for more than an hour one afternoon in Malaysia.
Zach emerges from his closet with a T-shirt in hand instead of covering his chest. My gaze takes liberty. It might be the two glasses of wine I had before he arrived.
“We’ll split the cleaning while you’re here.” His suggestion drags my focus back to his face. He gives me a gotcha grin as he pulls on his shirt. Snatching his beer bottle from the nightstand, he takes a long swig before making his way to me.
I can’t bring myself to move out of his way. When he stands in front of me, maybe waiting for passage, I slide the beer from his hand and take a small sip.
“Anything special you want for your anniversary?” he asks.
I eye him with a little surprise and curiosity. “My anniversary of what?”
He shrugs one shoulder, taking the beer back from me. “Ours.”
I try to smile, try to keep the mood light, but it’s hard with him standing so close to me. “That’s next week.”
He nods.
“I have it on good authority that we don’t have that kind of marriage. And you’re probably due for another appointment with your dental hygienist.”
“Dental hygienist?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes. Clearly you don’t remember much from our wedding day. Marriage day. Whatever. You said I do, dropped me off at home, and went to the dentist. So I threw the bouquet, took off my own garter, and ate all the cake without you.”
Zach smirks. “Is that so?”
On another eye roll, I turn and head back to the living room. “Yes. That’s so.”
“What’s the time limit?” he asks.
I glance over my shoulder just before reaching the sofa. He finishes his beer and sets the bottle on the counter then makes his way into the living room.
“Time limit on what?” I ask, plopping onto the cushion.
“How long do I have to wait before I can touch you?” He drags his teeth over his lower lip while eyeing me from head to toe. “Because I miss you.”
“You miss me?” I whisper, and my skin tingles everywhere. Even my eyes burn with emotion. Holding my breath for five … long … months has been too long.
He nods.
I didn’t know what to expect, but it wasn’t this. After five months of nothing resembling anything more than friendship, not one single vibe of intimacy … I had no reason to expect this.
“I’m right here,” I say, just above a whisper.
Sliding his hands into his front pockets, Zach shrugs a shoulder. “Still missing you. Your big blue eyes tracking me while those full lips of yours press together as if smiling at me might expose your darkest secrets. Your delicate fingers threading through my hair, slowly, deliberately, like their sole purpose is to drive me mad with need.”
I dare any woman not to fall in love with this man, and at the same time, I forbid myself from falling any deeper. I don’t have my life figured out, and he’s still dealing with the loss of Suzie. He doesn’t have to say it. I just know because I’m still dealing with the loss of her.
Dealing with discovering my true path in life.
Dealing with trying to do and be what Suzie would have wanted me to do and be.
Dealing with my feelings for Zach that make me want to align my path with his even if that means losing sight of my other dreams.
Still, I can’t help it. I smile at Zach. “I miss you too. All the time. I miss the way you hum when you’re cooking a meal or driving your car. I miss the lullaby of your guitar at night. I miss the way you refold the kitchen towels when you think I’m not looking. I miss sitting at opposite ends of the sofa with you, editing photos, knowing your eyes are on me. I miss the most mundane things like grocery shopping with you or pulling weeds while you mow the lawn. I miss your sly grins and carefully thought-out words. I miss watching you tie your hundred-year-old tennis shoes before you go for a run. And I miss…” I pull in a shaky breath, feeling a physical ache for his touch, the tingle of need along my skin growing more intense “…all the parts of you I’ve wanted, but I know are not mine to want.”
“Still missing you,” he whispers, taking a step toward me.
“I’m right here.”
It’s hard to not think about Suzie, to not feel a ghost of her presence in this house. It was easier in Malaysia. Is he thinking about her? Is he conflicted? Trying to claim the life he still has while keeping her alive, if only in his mind?