Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
He lifted me from the tub, and I caught only a glimpse of my reflection as he dried me off. My face was a mess. Bruises marred the skin around my mouth, and my throat showed deep fingerprints.
Ash took me back into the bedchamber and placed me on the bed. He replaced the towel he had wrapped around me with a blanket made of soft-spun yarn.
“I’ll be right back,” he promised, brushing his lips over my forehead. “Rest.”
I nodded, tucking my legs up under the blanket. He grabbed pants from the wardrobe, and I sat there, eyes glued to the bathing chamber. He left the door open, and I saw him strip down. His movements were quick. When he stepped out of my line of sight, I heard water splash. I knew he wouldn’t take nearly as long with himself.
I was right.
Within a handful of minutes, he was once more in the bedchamber, the loose cotton pants clinging to the skin he hadn’t dried thoroughly. Water still dripped from his hair when he came toward me, roughly rubbing the towel over his head.
“Ash?” I whispered.
He tossed the towel back into the bathing chamber, then started toward me but stopped as my anxiety spiked. “It’ll be okay, Sera.”
A tremor went through me. “How?”
“Because we will make it okay.”
It wasn’t that simple.
I forced myself to meet his gaze. It was hard. So many emotions and too many thoughts crowded every part of my being. “You know what I did?”
He didn’t look away as he sat on the floor a few feet from the bed. “I do.”
“How do we make that okay?” I asked, my heart rate picking up. “I—I can’t…”
“You can’t what?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head, pressure starting to build in my chest. “I…I can’t believe what I did.” The words tore at my chest, rattling me. “I can’t believe what I caused.”
Ash…flinched. “Liessa—”
“Part of the reason you were trapped at the Pillars for almost two days was because of what I did.”
“Sera, that’s—”
“It’s true.” Tears crowded my eyes, and I stood on numb legs, wrapping the blanket around me. “I lost control. I killed people—innocent people, Ash.”
Eather streaked across his eyes, and his body tensed. “You did.”
You did.
He wasn’t denying what I’d done. I didn’t want him to, but a small, childish part of me wanted him to be oblivious to it. How fucked up was that? I started to turn from him.
“Don’t,” he said. “Don’t shut down. We need to talk about this. No bullshit, Sera. No lies. No half-truths. No hiding.”
My lips trembled, and I pressed them together to stop them.
“Okay?” His eyes searched mine. “Sera?”
“Okay.” I closed my eyes. A storm of emotions brewing inside me, stirring the eather. “I…I should’ve listened to you. You said Kolis would do something terrible if he felt threatened. You were right. I knew you were right, and I should’ve listened, but I didn’t think he would do that.”
But that wasn’t entirely true, was it? I knew Kolis could be horrifically cruel.
“I didn’t want to believe it,” I admitted.
“Who would?” He looked up at me. “Who would want to believe he would do that?”
“Who would want to believe what I did?” My legs shook.
The air around us dropped several degrees when Ash’s anger rose to the surface. “What you did is not the same as what Kolis did.”
“I knew what would happen if I killed a Primal without there being another to take their place, and I still did it.” I opened my eyes, and eather gathered like a knot in my chest. “And if I had caught Kyn, I would’ve done the same to him.” My breath came in short, shallow pants. “Do you know I went to Dalos? I destroyed the Rise.”
Something close to pride filled his gaze.
I shook my head. “Don’t look at me like that. I killed every guard on the wall.”
“Guards loyal to Kolis, Sera.”
They had been, and the guilt I felt wasn’t for them. “I leveled Cor Palace. There were gods in there. Then I tore down the Sanctuary. I slaughtered gods who said they wouldn’t fight me. I destroyed his Ascended.”
“I know. There were Ascended at the Pillars.”
I flinched at the reminder that they still had souls—that many, if not all of them, would have never chosen their fates. My chest rose and fell rapidly. I searched for anger and disappointment in his features, but all I saw was sorrow. Compassion. Love.
I looked away from it. “Was there…?” I swallowed and pushed past my cowardice. “Were there Chosen at the Pillars? Kolis left them there. I…I didn’t know. I didn’t stop to even think about them.”
“I don’t know, and that is the truth,” he said. “There were many souls there. When that happened, the Pillars couldn’t perform their duty. I wrote many names, but I did not personally handle any Chosen. Rhahar could have.”