Total pages in book: 362
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 347293 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1736(@200wpm)___ 1389(@250wpm)___ 1158(@300wpm)
A shudder rocked me, and I lowered myself to the floor, needing to be closer to him. “I… When Embris died, it destroyed most of Terra. There were…entire villages were wiped out. Whole families. They were…” Images of their ash-encased bodies filled my mind, and I shook my head. “I brought them back without even thinking of the price. I saved them and, in the same breath, sentenced others to death. Even before that, when I first saw what they had done to—” My voice broke, and Ash tipped his head down, resting his forehead against mine. “I couldn’t control my rage. It became this tangible storm that continued to wreak havoc on those in Lasania—in Carsodonia. I don’t even know how many I killed tonight.”
“Does it matter?” His eyes met mine. “One is enough. You’ve said as much yourself. Whether it was ten, a hundred, or a thousand, it will not change how you feel right now.”
The weight continued pressing down on me. “Then tell me I was wrong. Tell me I fucked up! Tell me that—”
“I understand,” he cut me off. “That’s not what you want to hear, but it is what you need to hear.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “How can you understand what I did, Ash?” The pressure amplified. “How can you even stand to look at me?”
His eyes widened, and his skin thinned. The temperature dropped even more. “Are you…?” Eather swirled in his eyes, and shadows blossomed under his flesh. “Are you fucking serious right now? You’re honestly asking that question?”
“I am the true Primal of Life—”
“You are Seraphena Mierel!” His eyes flashed pure silver for a heartbeat, and the walls trembled, causing the chandelier to sway. “You are my wife. My fucking everything. I’ve told you this before, and it remains the same. There is nothing you could do that would ever change what I see or how I feel when I look at you.”
I sucked in a staggered breath. I knew that. Of course, I did.
“And I do understand what you did because, right or wrong, I would’ve done the same.”
“No, you wouldn’t have. You are better—”
“I am not better than that!” he shouted, pitching forward to plant his hands on the floor in front of him. For a moment, I thought he might take his wolf form. That was how he looked. “I am not better than you, Sera. You keep forgetting what I would’ve done if I’d lost you. I would’ve destroyed both realms. I would’ve become the end of everything, and the Fates know I wouldn’t have thought twice,” he snarled, his fangs bared. “Do you really think I didn’t try to kill Kolis after he murdered my father? I did. Even though I wasn’t powerful enough to do so, I fully intended to while knowing the consequences. I tried to kill him when he had you in Dalos, or did you forget that, too?”
I shivered. “I haven’t forgotten, Ash, but this isn’t the same, and you know it’s not.”
“What I know is that realms would be on fire if I had lost you,” he swore. “And even though you know that to be true, it does not change how you feel about me. Just because I have you doesn’t change what my intent would’ve been.” He took a deep breath, visibly attempting to calm himself. “I know what you want. What you think you need. You think you deserve to be punished. That something should be taken from you.”
“Would I be wrong?” I cried.
“Your guilt? Your remorse? It is choking me, so I know it must be suffocating you.” His voice cracked, and a glistening sheen of tears reflected in his eyes. “And I know it’s not going to be something that will magically disappear tomorrow. And there will be a tomorrow, Sera. There will be a thousand and more tomorrows. And I know your remorse will still be there with you no matter how many tomorrows there are. That is punishment enough.”
Was it, though?
He closed his eyes, and when they reopened, his lashes were damp. “What you did is not the same as Kolis.”
“What I did started as an act of justice, but it turned into nothing more than vengeance,” I said, disgust and shame lacing each word I spoke. “And once that happens, no one is on the right side. I went too far, and people paid with their lives.”
“Listen to me, Sera. Two things can be true at the same time. You went too far, but you are not Kolis. That doesn’t absolve you of responsibility, but it is not the same.”
I shook my head, a wail of grief welling up in me.
Shadows crawled up his neck and spread across his jaw. “Did you intend to kill? I’m not talking about Embris or the guards. Not even the Ascended. Did you intend to kill mortals?”