Total pages in book: 99
Estimated words: 91434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
I sit on the bench and watch her play with a couple of friends from school. The whole time, my stomach feels like I’ve swallowed glass. My mind sees Everleigh with her hair tied on top of her head. I wonder how the fire started. I wonder if she’s going to be okay. I wonder how Ms. Maddie is doing. I wonder all of these things I shouldn’t wonder. I wonder all these things I have no business wondering about. I wonder if she even ate anything, knowing she fainted twice when we were together because she didn’t eat the whole day. Scared the shit out of me when she walked out of the bathroom and then just fell on her face. That was the first time I ever felt a fear inside me. “Daddy.” Saige comes running over to me, panting. “Can we have a mani-pedi night?” She smiles at me, her whole face lighting up.
I smile as I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “Whatever you want, baby girl,” I agree, the emptiness I felt not a couple of seconds ago being filled by her smile. She’s the only one I’ve let into my heart after Everleigh. She will be the only one who will have a hold on my heart ever again.
“So pizza night and mani-pedi.” She sits beside me, taking the water bottle I went to buy at the corner store while she played tag with her friends. Her chest heaves. “When can we go?”
“Whenever you want,” I say, and she gets up, putting her hand out. We walk back down Main Street. I see the bar is open, the doors are open with the sign in front that says: “Come in, we are open.”
My eyes go to the bakery as we walk past it and see there are just a couple of people left inside. None of them Everleigh, or at least we don’t see her, and I’m happy, or else I don’t know what Saige would do.
When we get home, I order pizza while she takes a shower and then comes out with her pink mani-pedi case. She puts it on the counter and zips open the top. “What color do you want this week?” she asks as she takes out the bottles of nail polish she keeps accumulating every single time we head over to the pharmacy. “I’m going for a blue,” she declares, picking up the baby-blue one she got last week. “What about you, Daddy?” she asks, and I look over at the bottles in front of her, picking out the lightest shade there is and it’s a light white. “That’s boring.” She shakes her head, taking the bottle from me and putting it back in the case. “We are going to do this one,” she says of the green one she picked out when it was Halloween. “You said it was a nice color.”
“It is,” I reply right before the doorbell rings. I get the pizza, and she eats two slices before the two of us settle on the couch. She paints my nails, and then I paint hers.
The cap of the bottle is too small for my fingers. “What happened to the bakery?” she asks softly, as I focus on trying not to get it on her skin.
“I don’t know, baby girl,” I say the truth. “There was a fire.”
“Do you think Ms. Maddie is going to build it back?”
I nod. “Of course she will.”
“It’s good that she has Everleigh there to help her.” She mentions her name again.
“Yeah.” That is the only thing I say and hope that she changes the subject.
“Do you think they need more help?” she asks. “If they do, maybe we can help them a bit.”
“I think they have all the help they need,” I deflect, finishing painting her nails. “Now, do you want your toes the same color?” I make sure I change the subject, and she nods. I finish painting her toes. She sits on the couch not moving and fans her hands to make sure her polish dries, and I do the same. She finally dozes off sometime after ten, long after the paint has dried.
Picking her up, I carry her to her bed and tuck her in before kissing her head and walking out. I turn off the television and the light, and instead of heading to my bedroom to do the same, I head outside and sit in the chair, looking up at the sky. My mind plays tricks on me when I imagine what my life would be like with Everleigh in it. Would we be here in this house? Would we have kids? If we did, would they look like Saige or have Everleigh’s eyes?
It happens so fast—it’s as if I am having a déjà vu moment when I see myself right here in this chair, with her sitting next to me. Her head is in my lap, her legs stretched out in front of her as she smiles at me. Her hand rests on the small baby bump, with my hand covering hers as I feel our baby kick. I rub my hands over my face to erase the image from my mind. “Maybe in another lifetime.” I get up. “And if we were different people.” I look up at the sky, seeing a shooting star. “And if I didn’t hate her.”