Total pages in book: 120
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109976 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 550(@200wpm)___ 440(@250wpm)___ 367(@300wpm)
I did believe myself to be in love with him at the time of course, I wouldn’t have married him for security alone. Had that been the case I could’ve married a thousand times before I met him.
But like I said, it hadn’t taken me long to realize my mistake, but by then it was too late. I’d endured life and resigned myself to my fate. Putting on the same façade as everyone else in this dangerous family.
Vance had wanted me to become pregnant right away, but I’d gone to the doctor and put myself on the pill without him knowing when I realized what he was. No way was I going to bring a child into that toxic environment.
Not only was his family not what they seemed, but the people he surrounded himself with were no better. We’d had many a fight over my refusal to get too close to anyone he knew or their wives. Until the night a little over two years ago when I gave in and threw him a birthday party.
That’s when I first met Gavin. I ignored him at first just as I’ve done with all of Vance’s friends in the time we’d been married. But it wasn’t hard to see within a short space of time that he was different.
The whispers around the room that night were all about him. From what little I gathered by eavesdropping I learned that he was some hotshot businessman who owned half the city.
I’d never heard Vance speak of him before, but the way he gushed and fawned all over the man when he walked through the door told me all I needed to know. He was someone even more powerful than my husband and his family.
When we spoke I remember the way he’d looked at me from beneath hooded lids. The way I felt as I stood in front of him in a room full of people who all suddenly seemed to disappear.
I was scared at first, not understanding the sudden attraction or the way my body reacted to his nearness. I’d felt naked under his stare and had to fight to contain myself, but thankfully he didn’t seem to notice.
Then each time I saw him after that night it only got worst. And worse still when I first saw the hunger in his eyes. It was hard enough dealing with my own need, but knowing that he wanted me too was very dangerous.
I would never have broken my vows no matter how horrible a marriage it was. My sense of right and wrong has always been strong even to the point of making myself suffer through the hell that was my marriage. Besides, I knew there was no way Vance would ever let me go. So for the past two years I’ve lived in torment, loving someone I could never have.
I’d worked hard to keep him off of my mind without much success. But even though I could avoid thoughts of him during my waking hours, I had no defense once my barriers were down at night when I fell asleep and he followed me into my dreams.
That day he showed up at the door when I was home alone I wanted to beg him to just take me away. I knew that he had feelings for me, feelings that were as strong as mine for him. Why shouldn’t we be together? I’d asked myself. But I knew that I’d never do it; it’s just not me. Fool that I am.
No matter how many daydreams I had about just that happening I always knew I’d never have the courage. And when he gave me his card and walked away, I felt the terrible loss because I knew it was goodbye. I knew him that well even though we’d never spent any real time together.
It’s hard to explain, but we both just always seemed to know what the other one was thinking, feeling. It was even more intimate than anything I’d shared with Vance or anyone else for that matter, this thing between Gavin and I.
I didn’t see him again for quite some time after that, but he was never far from my mind. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about him, wondering what he was doing and missing him to the point of heartache.
How many lonely nights had I spent alone in my bed crying myself to sleep because of him? Because of the hopeless situation I’d found myself in. I never want to feel that desperate again, that feeling of desolate despair was one I could never endure again.
It felt almost like losing a limb or some other vital part of me. I think I actually mourned him in the days directly after that visit. I hadn’t even felt that away about my failed marriage.