Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
“You're right. That does make sense.”
Her gaze narrows. “You're just saying that.”
“No, I'm not. What you said makes sense. I didn't think of it that way.”
“This wouldn't be an example of telling me what I want to hear just to make things better between us, would it?”
“Not even close.” However, I can admit to myself how good it feels just to be in her presence. Hearing her sweet voice, even when there's a note of sarcasm winding its way through her words like an invisible thread. Anything, so long as I can look at her, speak to her, connect with her, even on a simple level like this. I'd say damn near anything for her to keep talking.
“And you're not just saying that because I was crying?” An interesting use of past tense, considering there are still tears cutting a slow path down her cheeks. She pulls one of the sleeves of her sweater down over her fist and uses it to mop up the wetness.
“What do you want me to say, Bianca? I'm trying. For you, I'm trying.”
She releases a shuddering breath, turning her face toward the headstone bearing her mother's name. “I know.”
I could double down now while she's quiet and accepting. I could drill into her head the importance of her safety and how I don't trust my enemies to lay low for long. What could have happened if one of Moroni's men was out here and found her? I'm sure she thought about that before she left, and somehow it was still important that she get out of the house. That she ventures here to her mother's grave.
“It isn't easy to accept there's something you can't get from me.” The words come out so slowly, and each one is a struggle. She deserves to hear this, though, just as much as I need to say it. “You would rather kneel here by your mother's grave and speak to her headstone than speak to me, the man who loves you, who would do anything for you. That's not an easy thing to wrap my head around.”
“You know exactly why that is.”
“I do. I know this is my fault, which doesn't make it any easier. If anything, that makes it more impossible to bear.”
“I don't know what you expect me to say to you. I'm not going to comfort you and tell you that I'm sorry and everything is going to be okay.”
“I don't expect you to, and I don't need you to. Anything I'm going through right now, I set into motion. I see it, and I want you to know I see it. And no,” I'm quick to add when her mouth opens, “I'm not saying that just because I think it's what you want to hear. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I understand and know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry.”
“Why was it wrong?”
She will not be satisfied until she has me by the balls and twists them off. Right away, my old instincts flare to life, crowding my thoughts. Nobody speaks to me this way. Nobody demands I explain myself. I'm a Torrio, a man of power and money.
That's childish. The result of fear. If there's any hope of us lasting—and we have to, there's no other way—I can't afford to blindly give in to those impulses anymore. I need to be the man she needs me to be.
Which is why, instead of lashing out or dragging her to the car kicking and screaming, I settle for a deep breath to steady myself. “I was never anything but open about what I wanted from us. It was wrong because I took your choice away. You deserved to decide when you were ready to start a family, and I should've given you a say in the matter.”
“Yes. You absolutely should have.”
“The best I can promise is to try to do better, to be a better man, and to consider you in every choice that is made regarding us.” This is fucking torture, but the expectant lift of her eyebrows tells me she is waiting for more. Fuck me. This isn't going to end until she's damn good and ready. “Even if it kills me, I will give you as much space as I feel is necessary while maintaining your safety,” I stress the words so she'll understand.
“It was not safe for you to go off on your own without telling anyone in the house your plans. There will always be parts of my work and world that I have to keep from you. It's not because I don't trust you, but because the less you know, the more protected you are. There are a lot of moving pieces in motion right now, and I can't have you getting caught in the middle of it all. Go where you want, but for God's sake, take someone with you. Someone who knows how to use a gun and can protect you. That's all I ask. I'm trying to meet you halfway, but I can't do that if you don't do the same.”