Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 131455 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 657(@200wpm)___ 526(@250wpm)___ 438(@300wpm)
“I mean… I’ve been thinking… And maybe I should leave, go off and do my own thing.”
“No. Honey, I want you here. We both do.”
“I’m just in the way. I'm so damn tired and sad and scared all the time—every day. And I see you guys, and I see how happy she is, and I think to myself she's been through a lot of tough shit, too, and she's not falling apart the way I am. Something must be wrong with me. Why don't I get to be happy, too? Where’s my happily ever after and knight in shining armor?”
“Honey, there's nothing wrong with falling apart. We have to fall apart sometimes. It’s how we grow and become resilient to the shit life throws at us. You’ll find happiness. I know it’s hard to believe at the moment, but you will. There’s a man out there for you and a future and happiness.”
“I’m sorry, Dad. I really am, but every day I see you together, and every time there's a new announcement like there was today, it makes me feel worse.” Slowly, she detaches herself from me. “This is what I want. What I need.”
This is the worst possible idea she could come up with. If she can't keep herself together while she's under my roof, and in my care, how the hell is she going to do it by herself? Then again, is it cruel to force her to stay when I know how unhappy it makes her to be here?
It’s the hope shining in her teary eyes that makes the decision for me. I can’t extinguish that. Not when it’s the first time I’ve seen hope in her eyes in weeks. Months, even.
“This is something we're going to have to work out together,” I decide, speaking slowly, choosing my words carefully. At any other time, under any other circumstances, I would shut the idea down immediately and leave it there. That's exactly what I want to do now. My first impulse is to say no, but I know that would only push her further away, and I don’t want to lose her, not any more than I already have.
The surprise in her raised eyebrows confirms how out of character this is for me. “Seriously? You mean it?”
“I do. I'm not going to keep you prisoner if you don't want to be here, but I'm telling you it would make me a lot more comfortable if you would stay. I would prefer you stay for as long as you need to until you feel secure getting on your feet, but I respect your choice, and your need for space, and if you decide to come back, the door is always open.”
I have to laugh at myself, especially since she’s looking at me like I’ve grown a second head or something. “I'm trying, kid. I'm really trying. But don't be surprised if I call you every day and ask when you're coming back—if you decide to leave.”
“She's really good for you, isn't she?” A faint smile plays at the corners of her mouth. “She's changed you.”
“I’ve had to make myself change for her, not in a bad way, and not because I don’t want to. It’s just hard, but I'm sure it'll be worth it.”
“I love you.” And all at once, she's a little girl again, throwing her arms around my neck and squeezing like her life depends on it. It's the most life she's shown in far too long, so I won’t ask her to let go. I would rather soak this in for as long as possible.
If I’ve learned anything recently, it’s how suddenly everything can change. How fast you can go from holding someone tightly to fearing they might be dead.
BIANCA
I feel like a stalker, sitting in my car, parked a few houses down from my father's. There aren't many cars parked on the street this early on a weekday afternoon with everybody at work, yet I still feel like I should hang back. His car is parked on the street, meaning he's home, though I didn't want him to see me. I'm not even sure why.
We haven't spoken since that day at the house. It's driving me crazy not knowing how he has been handling life since our argument. I figured Ken would contact me if there was an emergency. Otherwise, I waited about as long as I could before curiosity forced me to come up with a reason to show up here.
Maybe some people can deal with being shut out, but not me. He's still in too dangerous of a place to leave him on his own. Add to that a grandchild I would like him to meet someday, and I didn't see how this could continue. Waiting for him to come around and get in touch with me didn't work, so I resorted to a peace offering by grabbing groceries in case the kitchen's in shambles again.