Total pages in book: 67
Estimated words: 68066 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 68066 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm)
Although, it was killing me inside.
Each step, each stride, each minute that passed, I lost more and more air, more and more will, more and more life.
Every last part of me hurt, throbbed, ached.
I was there, but I wasn’t.
Possibly losing my mind as well.
My father showed no emotion like a patron of strength, but he didn’t fool me. I knew this was his very worst nightmare playing out in front of him. My mother was his everything.
He would have switched places with her in a second if he could. I knew his truth like I still knew my own name.
How much time did I have? When was I going to lose my memory and end up here too?
Never ending questions ran heavy through my head, feeling an intense amount of fear.
For me.
For her.
For my family.
The closer we got to her room, the clearer the ending became for all of us in the exact same way.
Bile rose in the back of my throat, but I swallowed it down.
I just kept moving, kept stepping, kept going forward. There was nothing left behind me. Only memories gradually fading away the closer we got to her.
Seeing her face.
Hearing her voice.
Feeling her love.
Was what helped me go through with this.
“Jackson, my golden boy. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Do you know that? Do you know how much I love you? You’re my baby boy. You’ll always be my baby boy.”
Memory after memory attacked my mind.
“I’m so proud of you. You’re just like your daddy. Out of both of my boys, you’re the most like your daddy.”
Her love for me flashed before my eyes.
“You can do whatever you set your mind to, Jackson. You want to be a football star, a surgeon, walk on the moon... you can do it. Because you’re the smartest boy with the brightest of futures. Don’t you ever forget that.”
The good...
“I will always be here for you.”
The bad...
“I don’t know why this is happening, baby. I wish I could tell you. I wish I had answers, but I don’t. All I can say is live your life, Jackson. You live your life like nothing happened to me. Do you hear me? Are you listening? I need you to be free from me. You live. You love. You laugh. You be happy. No matter the outcome.”
The ugly...
“I don’t know who you are! I hate you! I never want to see you again! I’m not your mom! I’m not your anything!”
Each memory was worse than the last.
“Get him out of my room! Leave and never come back! Who are you? What do you want with me? I have no sons. I have no family!”
To the last memory I had of her before I lost her completely.
“You look good holding your baby sister, Jackson. I can already tell she is going to have you wrapped around her little finger.”
“Mmm hmm...”
“Baby, please look at me. Please...”
I shook my head. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Cause it always takes you away from me.”
“Oh, Jackson...”
She tugged me into her arms, holding onto us so tightly. I never wanted to leave her side. This would be the last time she’d ever hold me. The last hug I’d ever receive from anyone. I’d never let another person get that close to me.
“I love you, baby. I love you so much. Please tell me you know that.”
“Mmm hmm...”
“Promise me you know I’ll always live in your heart.”
I didn’t say a word.
“Promise me.”
“Which one of you? The woman who raised me, or the woman who doesn’t remember me?”
She burst into tears. “I’m sorry,” she wept. “I’m so sorry for everything I have ever said or done to you. It’s not me. I swear to you, it’s not me.”
I pulled away, looking deep into her eyes. “I don’t know who you are anymore. I can’t even call you my mother cuz it’s your biggest trigger. You lose it on me every time.”
I could seet through her gaze she knew I was right.
She simply stated, “I love you. You’ll always be my baby boy with bright blue eyes. You’re going to be like your daddy, never like me.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Take the test, Jackson. Take it for your own peace of mind.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m not ready to give up on my life yet.”
“Dr. Pierce,” the physician said to my dad, ripping me back to the present place and time. “She doesn’t have much time left. Her organs are completely shutting down.”
I saw it, clear as day.
Our father wanted to die right along with her.
“Her dementia has completely taken over. I’m so sorry, Dr. Pierce,” the nurse informed him, breaking his heart all over again.
It didn’t matter how many times someone talked about her illness, it was like a bullet to the soul each and every time.
How could he go on without her?
When all he did was live for her.