Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71832 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 359(@200wpm)___ 287(@250wpm)___ 239(@300wpm)
“You’re sick.” She moves toward the front hallway, heading for the door. “You’re mentally unstable.”
“I admit that my feelings for you are unusual, but if you’d let me explain—”
“I don’t want to hear any more explanations. You’ve been manipulating me for years, pushing me and pulling me, all like I’m some weird little puppet. You can tell yourself you did it to make me happy, but really, you did it to have some sick sense of ownership over me.”
I shake my head rapidly. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then why, Carson? If you really cared, why? You treated me like… like some sort of game piece. Like you could just poke me and prod me from afar, tug at my strings, maneuver me wherever you thought I needed to go. You say you did this for me, but we both know you did it for you.”
“Should I have let you get hurt?”
“That’s part of life!” She stares at me, eyes wide. “That’s what’s supposed to happen. I’m supposed to fail, learn from my failures, try to do better next time. I’m supposed to struggle. That’s what everyone does! Instead, you had me living in this weird in-between place where nothing too bad ever happened because you were busy protecting me against my fucking will.”
My jaw tightens. My breathing quickens. I tried so hard to do the right thing. I kept my distance for ten years. I remained as distant as I could, only intervening when things looked dire. I did it all for her—and to hear all my hard work, my sacrifice, my emotions thrown back into my face—
It breaks my heart.
“You can’t really think that,” I say, my calm beginning to crack.
She must sense it, because she backs away faster.
“I would’ve been better off driving Smoke into bankruptcy than whatever this is.” She hurries to the door.
I follow, tempted to put the house into lockdown, but what will that accomplish? I’d only prove to my mother that I’m as freakish and unstable as everyone seems to think I am, and then Ash will never love me the way I love her.
“I spared you needless hurt. I made your life better. But I didn’t sanitize everything.”
“Oh, good for you,” she says, stepping out into the stoop. She looks back inside, tears streaming down her face. She rips the ring off and hurls it at me, missing by an inch. It pings down the hallway behind me. “I don’t want to hear from you ever again. Do you understand? I’m done with you, Carson. I can’t keep letting you string me along in some sick little shadow puppet show. I’m not yours, not anymore.”
“Ash,” I say, tasting bile in the back of my throat. My heart’s racing into my ears. If I lunge, I can grab her, pull her back inside. I could tie her to the bed and explain to her until she understands that I only did what I did for her, never for me. I kept my distance. I never planned on getting this close. Only the situation forced my hand, and once I was in that bar speaking to her for the first time in a decade, after all those nights dreaming about her, I couldn’t stop.
I had to have her.
Had to taste her.
This is why I didn’t let myself cross the line to begin with.
Now that I’ve started, I can’t stop.
But she’s gone, skipping down the steps, walking fast down the block. I stand on the stoop, watching her go. Nearby, Fitz smokes while leaning against the car, watching me with a neutral expression.
Ash disappears around the corner. It feels like she takes all my hopes and dreams with her.
“Want me to go bring her back?” Fitz asks, taking a drag.
I shake my head. “She needs time.”
“I take it you told her the truth.”
“I should’ve done it sooner. Or maybe I should’ve tried harder to keep it from her longer so I could control how it came out. I’m not sure.”
“You probably shouldn’t have done all that you did this past decade, if you’re taking stock of things.”
I give him a sharp look. “Careful.”
He stomps on the cigarette butt. “You keep me around because I’m one of the few men in your crew that tell you the truth, so now I’m going to say this, even though you won’t like it. That girl’s right to run away.”
My hands ball into fists. “This isn’t the time.”
He holds up a hand. “I know you, Carson. I know that even though you went too far and did all the wrong things these last ten years, you love her.” Fitz cocks his head. “And I also know you’re not going to give up this easy. So what’s the plan?”
I stare him down for a long moment.
What’s the plan?
I turn toward the house. “My plan is I wait.”