Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Right where he wanted to be. He let her feel his erection nestled against her ass. He toyed with her clit, feeling how wet she already was. She might not be a sub, but being naked and bound and spanked was doing something for her.
“Why did you stop? You didn’t write for anyone but yourself, and then you didn’t write at all after I fucked up. It wasn’t the kidnapping that made you stop writing. It was me.”
She pulled at the chains and leaned back against him, trying to force his finger to rub again. “I was a dumb kid, and I grew up.”
So he pinched her clit between his thumb and forefinger and gave the piercing a careful twist.
She gasped and grumbled as he stepped back.
Pain alone wasn’t going to fix this. She could take pain. She needed something else. He stepped in front of her, bringing his hand up. Tenderness might work where pain didn’t. “Please. I think we break if we don’t acknowledge this, and I do not want us to ever break. This is the most important relationship of my life. Tell me.”
Yep. There they were. Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t want to.”
“Because you can’t trust me. Because I hurt you.”
She closed her eyes, tears dripping from them.
“Because I wasn’t faithful the way you were. It was me.” He knew deep down that was only part of the answer, but he needed to lean into it. She could handle pain. He could go and get a cattle prod and she would likely roll her eyes and tell him she’d had better. What she couldn’t handle was guilt. He was taking it all on himself, and while he knew he was part of the problem, her secret tender heart wouldn’t let him carry the whole load. “I did this to us.”
She sniffled, another sign she was ready to break. “It wasn’t you.”
There she was. “I hurt you so badly you stopped writing.”
“It wasn’t just you,” she admitted. “I was hurt, but I would have gone home and hated you and written a million shitty teen angst poems about how you broke my heart. That was what you broke. She broke me.”
“She? Are you talking about Julia Ennis?”
“She told me I was like her. She said I reminded her so much of who she was at my age, and I could be someone. She had a very narrow definition of what someone means. Not many people counted as important. She told me other people were sheep.”
Something she said a lot. “Honey, you don’t mean it the way she did.”
“Don’t I? I’ve been working through this in therapy, and I think maybe I’m everything Julia said I was. Why did I walk away? Because I thought walking away was the best thing I could do for you.”
How could she believe that? “Do you know why I never stopped trying to be in your life?”
“We were thrown together. Our parents are close. We should have been like brother and sister.”
He shook his head. “I could never be your brother. Never. Kala, it’s always been you. Even when I was a moron, I knew it was you. I was desperate to stay close to you in high school.”
“Not desperate enough to ever ask me to a dance,” she whispered.
His fault. “I’m so sorry, baby. I wasn’t as strong as you were. It took me years to figure out what you did. What other people think of us doesn’t matter if we’re okay with who we are. And now I’m worried some of those voices in your head aren’t your own. Julia Ennis was mentally unstable.”
Her eyes came up, a grave truth in them.
He shook his head. “You are not unstable. I worry that you struggle with some depression, the kind that needs to be treated, but you are not unstable. Baby, how can you think that? You are the reasonable one in the field. You can shut off your emotions and do the job that needs to be done. That’s the definition of stable. You are not now, nor have you ever been like that woman.”
“She obsessed over my cousin. I obsess over you,” she said, her voice threatening to break. “You’re the only man I’ve ever wanted. The only person I’ve ever wanted.”
The words were a balm to his soul, and he needed to find a way to give them back to her. “And I am so honored because you’re my person, too. What do you think Julia Ennis would have done if she’d been in your position that night? She wouldn’t have walked away. She wouldn’t have stayed away and still helped me from behind the scenes. Even when you were pissed at me, you wouldn’t let anyone else hurt me.”
“I think she would say she did the same for Kyle.”