Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Didn’t she deserve it?
At some point she’d passed out, and her brain hadn’t done a great job of disassociating since she found herself in the kitchen again. The same one where she’d faced down Julia Ennis all those years ago. Where Julia had told her how much she reminded her of herself at a young age.
She’d carried those words for so damn long.
She’d also had this dream about a million times.
The door came open and Julia entered wearing the same slacks and blouse she’d been wearing the day she’d found Kala with her head in the refrigerator, hiding the knife she’d stolen.
In the dream, Kala was always fifteen again, vulnerable and aching at the thought she was like the monster who’d tried to kill her cousin Kyle and his awesome wife, MaeBe. In the dream she was scared and stubborn, and she listened to what Julia had to say.
“Hello, Kala. It’s been a while,” Julia said.
Oh, Lena would have a field day with this. She knew she was dreaming, and now dead Julia understood the passage of time from the afterlife.
Or perhaps these were all parts of her soul she had to mend so she could be the best Kala she could be. The best person, best friend, best lover, best mother someday. It was odd but she got a bit misty as she sat down at the kitchen table. “Hello, Julia.”
Dream Julia stared at her. “You’re not a child.”
“No, I’m not. It’s funny because at fifteen I would have told you the same, but time and experience changes our perspectives. I’ve started to wonder why you’re the one who haunts my dreams. When I think about it, you weren’t violent toward me. I’ve started to suspect nothing happened to me on the plane.”
Julia stared at her. “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you in that fashion.”
She had. Kala simply hadn’t believed her. “Oh, you violated my person. You wrecked me for years. Don’t expect me to thank you for not raping me.”
Julia’s eyes narrowed. “You know you wouldn’t be the first. You should be grateful.”
“I’m going to stop you there. No. I am not grateful I wasn’t raped. I’m mad that other women are. You don’t get brownie points for sparing me something absolutely no one should ever be forced to endure. And don’t give me the whole my generation had to deal with it shit. If I go through something terrible, I’m going to try to make sure no one has to suffer through it again. I’m not looking at women younger than me and turning a blind eye when they’re harmed because I had to, so they should too.” She was getting emotional in a dream. So weird what could happen when she asked the right questions and was honest about the answers. So many doors opened.
“Well, you won’t have to endure. You’re a predator.”
Kala’s eyes rolled. “Shut up. You’re mostly meaningless here. I think I’ve found out what I’m truly afraid of. You see, it’s hard when you’re a twin. You wonder at times if you share a soul, and if you do, how did it split? I suppose I saw you as something of a shadow version of my mother. When I was fifteen, I heard all the stories. She loved Dad so much she did everything she could to get him back. I thought it was romantic.”
“Yes, I rather know that story myself.” Julia took the seat across from her, intelligent eyes studying her. “I did what I did for love.”
“You killed a lot of people. Screwed a lot of people over. Fucked up lives. Betrayed your country,” Kala pointed out. “All for a man who never really loved you.”
For a moment it looked like Julia was going to argue. Then her face twisted and changed, and it became Lena sitting in front of her. “Like you did. Have you considered that your fascination with Cooper McKay is about trying to save yourself from your own worst instincts?”
She stared at Dream Lena for a moment and knew she would follow through with those therapy sessions. With a real therapist this time and not one who took on the face of all the dark voices in her head. “My instincts aren’t wrong. They’re quite good. The more violent impulses I shut down.”
Lena leaned forward, and Kala would swear her normally perfect teeth had cutting edges now. Like a piranha about to feast. Her eyes seemed darker, too. “Do you? How many have you killed? Maimed? Destroyed? Do you ever wonder why Kenzie got the cutesy, sweet name and you are an acronym for kick a little ass? Your father did that to you. He saw what you were from the very beginning. He knew Kenzie was light and you were dark.”
This was something important she’d learned. “We need the darkness, too. We need it to find rest and peace and sleep. The dark can be a beautiful thing. Just like too much light kills.”