Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
“What kind of change?”
“For you, I believe it’s the acceptance that you are worthy of what you feared you missed. It’s the acceptance that you’re lovable. If you don’t believe it, why would anyone else?”
She didn’t want to admit it, but the doc had her there. How many times had she asked the question? How often had she lied and pretended to be something she wasn’t so Cooper wouldn’t see she was still a scared girl who had no idea what happened to her?
Was it time to put it aside and see what she could be?
Was it time to put Cooper out of his misery? She knew she couldn’t be what he needed. Cooper McKay would want a sweet wife and a picket fence, and she wouldn’t ever fit into that life, but when she’d lain there praying for death, the only thing she’d wanted more had been to know what it meant to be with him.
If she did it, offered herself to him again, he could be free, too.
“Kala, are you okay? I have some tissues.”
Damn it. She hated Manny Huisman. And all the stupid couples around her who made her freaking long. She didn’t long. It was a dumb word.
Her father had found her mom, had forgiven her and let her love him. In his less sarcastic moments, he credited therapy for all of it.
She wouldn’t ever have a real life with Cooper, but maybe they could have something, something she could hold on to when he found the life he’d been born to lead.
But she wouldn’t if she didn’t find a way to change even the smallest bit.
“I don’t need a freaking tissue.” She stood, wiping the tears. “But I’ll make another appointment. I won’t be happy about it.”
Lena stood, her lips almost curling into a smile, but she seemed to know that might not be the best move. “I won’t either.”
Kala strode out, wondering if she’d just made the biggest mistake of her life. Or started down a road that might lead her home.
* * * *
Cooper sat in the conference room at McKay-Taggart, his teammates talking all around him. They discussed their plans for the weekend, how hard Big Tag was about to be on them, what they watched on TV the night before.
But Cooper’s whole focus was on the door because Kala was late.
“She had an appointment with the doc the Agency sent out.” Kenzie gave him a sympathetic look. “She’s been avoiding the psychological debrief, but the bosses told her she has to go and say something beyond fuck you. Don’t expect her to be in a good mood.”
He didn’t need her in a good mood. He needed her here. “Why didn’t someone drive her?”
“She didn’t want a lift,” Lou said from her place beside her boyfriend, TJ Taggart.
“I think she said something about needing time to prepare to deal with assholes.” TJ had already raided the downstairs coffee cart. He was on his second muffin. Or maybe his third. Coop had no idea where he put it. “I’m not sure if she was talking about the psychologist or us.”
“Probably both,” Lou acknowledged. Lou was a sweet-looking woman with brown hair and intelligent eyes behind the glasses she wore.
“Well, I don’t think any of the women should be on their own.” Tristan Dean-Miles sat across from Kenzie, his green eyes on Cooper. “We have no idea where Huisman is, and he’s proven perfectly capable of hurting the women of the team.”
Kenzie snorted. “You try telling my sister she can’t get any alone time. Guys, she’s still processing what happened in Canada. This is how she does it. This, and probably going all Mistress Kala on some sub’s ass tonight at The Hideout. I already talked to Gabriel about finding someone for her to scene with.”
“For us to scene with,” Cooper corrected. “And we have an appointment tonight, so that wasn’t necessary.”
Kenzie put her hands up as though letting him know he was being over the top. “Sorry, Master C. I was only trying to help.”
It wasn’t easy being a top when the woman you were so sick in love with was a top, too. He and Kala had been raised in families who were invested in the D/s lifestyle. But both of their dads were Doms and their moms happy subs.
They had to find their own way, and he’d started by topping subs with her.
Never sex. She never had sex in the club. Sometimes he wished she would since then at least he would know if the guy was treating her right.
At least he would know who he might have to kill.
Because maybe that was what it would take. Years. More than a fucking decade and she still hadn’t forgiven him for being a dumbass kid who didn’t know who he was. Well, he was a man now, and he was done playing around. She’d put him on this team, insisted on him. She could have left him where he was but she hadn’t, and it was time to show her what that meant.