Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
This…this was her out. This could be payback for everything he’d done to her over the years. For every time he’d made her feel small and unworthy. Even though she knew it wasn’t what he’d meant to do, the feeling had been real all the same. All she had to do was tell him she didn’t give a shit.
He stared at her with such earnestness.
What did she want? Petty revenge or a couple of months with him? Did she owe herself grace?
Why was her father such a weirdo?
“What do you think we should do? Is this an invitation for a session? Are you submitting to me, Cooper?” She wasn’t sure she wanted that.
“If that’s what you need,” he offered. “I’ll give you anything you need. If you want to whip my ass, it’s yours. I don’t think you understand how far I’ll go for you. I’m not the scared kid I was when we were fifteen.”
“I doubt you were afraid. You were embarrassed.”
“I was afraid,” he corrected. “I was afraid I wouldn’t live up to what my parents expected from me. I didn’t understand what they expected from me. I thought I had to be the best at everything, and that included socially. I thought if I was the golden boy, they wouldn’t care that I don’t look like them.”
He’d thought that? Damn. She made fun about her emotionless state, but she could actually feel emotion well. It was kind of gross and not something she could ignore. “Because you were adopted? You thought they would only love you if you were perfect?”
It was kind of hard to keep her eyes on his face. He was such a beautiful man. She’d seen him in leathers and without his shirt on. She’d seen him in shorts, playing sports, with his whole body glistening with sweat, but there was something about him laid out that made her insides shake. Her pink parts.
Hadn’t she learned she wasn’t sexual? Except she could feel an ache begin low in her pelvis.
Her sexual organs were eternally optimistic, it seemed.
“I did, but I grew up and realized they love me. For who I am. They don’t need me to carry on their DNA. They wanted a kid to love, and I was lucky enough to be that kid,” Cooper said. “I was insecure. I was young. I know I hurt you and I never meant to, but I did. I need you to understand this right now. I don’t want anyone but you. I want you because you are everything I need in a woman. Even the frustrating parts. I think this whole let’s-have-sex thing might be a way to get me out of your system before you move on, and I’m willing to take the risk. But you should know what you’re risking, too.”
Every word threatened to shred all her plans. “What am I risking, Coop?”
“Me winning. You can try to fuck me out of your system, but the whole time I’ll be plotting and planning to find a way that I’m so burrowed in, you won’t ever be able to leave me behind. I’m going to make you love me, Kala Taggart. I’m going to be the one thing you can’t ever compromise on.”
She was fairly certain she’d never heard any threat as terrifying as the one Cooper had just issued.
I will let him know how much fun we have with you.
Nope. That was it. Yep. Twelve years later and that fucker was still in her head. Definitely scarier than Cooper thinking he might be able to love her.
If she walked away from Cooper now, the Russian asshole might always live there. No matter how afraid she was of truly loving Cooper, she was more afraid of not ever feeling anything but afraid.
So she took a long breath and gave in. “What do I need, Cooper? I’m sure my father, the sex therapist, was embarrassingly thorough.”
Cooper seemed to relax. “You need to explore to your heart’s content. You need to be in charge in any way you like. I’m not saying I won’t ever want to be in control. I can assure you I will, but not until you’re comfortable.”
Did he know? She didn’t even fucking know. It wasn’t like she’d bled or anything, but then she was pretty sure even if she’d been a virgin, she wouldn’t have had a hymen anymore. She’d killed a dude with her thighs once, and he’d been a twisty, turny motherfucker.
Not knowing. It was a curse in its own way.
“Why do you think I wouldn’t be comfortable?” Kala asked, laying a trap.
Ah, there was the tension. “I don’t know. Probably because you’re a top. I only know what we did earlier didn’t work. We went too fast. We need more time. I’ve wanted you since we were fifteen. I want to take my time, to sink into this thing I’ve longed for almost half my life.”