Total pages in book: 153
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 144571 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 723(@200wpm)___ 578(@250wpm)___ 482(@300wpm)
“Fix?” His mother stared at him for a moment. “What about her are you trying to fix, Coop?”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
His mom’s head shook. “But that’s the word you used. Words are important. Words can show us how we feel when we’re not willing to admit it. I’m very worried that you think Kala is broken and you can fix her. She is not broken.”
“Of course she isn’t. I didn’t mean it that way.” It could be hard to be the child of a psychologist. They were always looking for something deeper. “I meant we have an issue and we can’t address it until I know what it is. I can’t know if I’m doing what’s right for her if she won’t talk to me.”
“And if she’s never comfortable talking the way you’re used to?” his mother asked. “I’m not saying I think she won’t, but you have to be prepared for the fact that some things are hardwired into a person. Kala is a deeply loving human being, but I don’t think she sees herself in this fashion.”
He was confused. “But why? Look, I know something happened that night, but she’s surrounded by a family that supports her. I know her parents got her into therapy after.”
“Therapy only works if you understand why you need it,” his mom explained. “I think it did work to make her more functional and it helped her find coping mechanisms, but there’s something more. Sometimes we’re born with these shadows. Like you when you were a teen. Baby, did your father or I do anything to make you think we loved you or your brother less than Vivian?”
She knew? How did she know? He’d tried so hard not to talk about it. “Never.”
Vivi was the miracle child. His mother had been told it was highly unlikely she could ever conceive, so they’d adopted Cooper first and then Hunter. Right after Hunter’s adoption was finalized, she’d found out about Vivi. Not once had these wonderful parents treated him differently than the girl who had their father’s eyes, and everything else made her their mom’s mini me.
“And yet there were times when you worried you didn’t belong in our family, that you weren’t enough for us,” she said with flawless accuracy. “I know you never confronted us about it, but it was there. We had to give you space and time and hope you worked it out because it wasn’t about us. It was about the voices in your head. Kala inherited all of Ian’s darkness. All the things that made him a brilliant operative made it hard for him to experience true joy. We like to think everyone starts out the same and time and trauma change us, but it simply isn’t true. Kala sees the world differently, and that also means she sees herself differently.”
“Big Tag is utterly confident.”
“About some things,” his father agreed. “Ian was always confident when it came to his jobs, but he wasn’t confident when it came to believing he deserved all the good things in life. It took Charlotte and a whole lot of therapy to make him see that he self-sabotaged and that what he viewed as anger was actually fear. You’ve only ever known Ian after Charlotte.”
“You can be her Charlotte, but you have to be patient, and you can’t view her as something you have to fix.” His mom’s jaw firmed, and he watched her make the decision to say what she said next. “I talked to you that day because I was worried for her, too. I love Kala. We’re not supposed to have favorites, but of all the kids who grew up with mine, she’s it for me. Even when she thinks I’m uptight and too intellectual. I worried that you wanted a life she’s never going to be able to live. She’s not ever going to be your sweetly submissive wife who says all the right things and supports your career.”
What was she thinking? “I never…”
His father’s head shook. “You wanted to be the fucking homecoming king, buddy. Do you think I don’t remember the whole family helping you campaign? You wanted to be the most popular kid at school. Don’t try to deny it. You might have told yourself it was because you needed to be the best for us, but it was about you. It was about the voice in your head that said if you didn’t have a crown on, you weren’t special enough.”
“Your father isn’t saying this because he thinks less of you,” his mother began.
Cooper had been around long enough to know what his mother was going to say next. “If I don’t acknowledge the problem, I can’t avoid repeating the behavior that got us in trouble in the first place.”
“I’m worried you still think she’s going to change and give you some kind of white picket fence life,” his mother said quietly. “Do you want to be with the Agency for the rest of your career?”