Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 80555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80555 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 322(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
“Thanks for saying that.” I joined her in shaking out the tub so the pump worked more effectively.
“I’m not simply saying it.” She shot me a pointed look. “I see a lot of new dads, experienced fathers, and grandparents in my practice. Not everyone is as good at centering their kids as you have been.”
“I try.” And now I was right back to my discussion with Magnus. I’d been so certain that not dating was best for the kids, but what if I was wrong? And at what point did my own needs matter? In our adoption classes, the instructor had often talked about how self-care made better parents, but I continued to waffle as to whether wanting Magnus was self-love or selfish or some mixture of both.
“You do more than try.” Marissa gave me a fast pat on the arm. “And I know home birth wasn’t your first or second choice for Maren, but you’ve rolled with the idea admirably.”
“Thanks.” I blew out a breath. A truce of sorts settled between us. We both respected each other as professionals, and that went a long way, even if part of me continued to wish we were driving to the hospital right then, snow storm and all. “Sometimes it’s hard to know what the right thing to do or say is, especially as they get older.”
“I bet.” A certain wistfulness in Marissa’s tone gave me pause.
“You don’t have kids?”
“You want the short answer or the long answer?” She sat back on her heels as we waited for the tub to inflate.
“Whichever you’re comfortable with.”
“I always thought I’d hit my mid-thirties with a house full of kids and a partner I adored.” She offered a crooked smile, but her eyes stayed solemn. “Now forty is inching closer, and the partner hasn’t materialized.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Eh. Some of it’s on me.” She flicked her wrist, waving off my concern. “You think you’re invincible and have all the time in the world in your twenties. And then thirty hits, but you’ve still got time. My accident showed me time is finite and rather cruel.”
“I know that feeling well.” All the time in the world. That was how I’d felt when I’d first met Montgomery, the hot, new doctor in town. Falling in love with him had been as easy as breathing, and we’d tumbled right into commitment, home ownership, adoption, another adoption, all before time reared its ugly head.
“I haven’t told many yet, but I’m starting fertility treatments,” Marissa said quietly.
“You’re going to have a baby?” I wasn’t sure if congratulations was the right response.
“That’s the hope. Screw waiting for the right partner. Single parenthood isn’t the path I originally would have chosen, but I’m not willing to wait forever for the partner of my dreams to show up at the exact perfect moment.”
Again, she reminded me of Magnus…who wasn’t willing to wait forever either. He wanted to date, travel, love openly and loudly, and he wouldn’t wait around indefinitely for me to be ready.
“Timing is hard.” My voice came out rough, chest full. I’d met Montgomery at the perfect moment in my life, and that still hadn’t had a happy ending. And the timing with Magnus sucked, but the thought of breaking things off made my back tighten and my bones ache. Timing or not, I wanted him. “And even when the plan works out, sometimes fate has other ideas.”
“Yep.” Marissa nodded. The pool was finished inflating, so she spread a hygienic liner over it and busied herself sorting out hoses. “But I’m actually really excited about this new direction. I’m embracing it. My family is super supportive, which helps. And I’m not ruling out a partner in the future. However, I’m sure dating as a single parent can be…interesting.”
She offered an expectant look like I should be at the ready with dating advice.
“I wouldn’t exactly know,” I admitted. “My friends keep wanting me to get back out there. Apps. Setups. Singles mixers.”
“All of which suck. Trust me. Dating is hazardous.” She released a low groan before standing. “I’m at a point now where I think I’d rather collect friends. Anything else is going to have to happen organically.”
Organically. All this time, I’d been refusing my friends’ efforts at matchmaking, yet Magnus had fallen right into my lap, almost literally if one considered the night of the fire. And few things in life were as organic or natural as our friendship, which had grown slowly, like Maren’s baby, over the last nine months. Could I really walk away from that because of timing or fear? Could I be like Marissa, who was chasing her dreams even if they looked different than she’d expected?
“It’s not going to be easy being a single parent. But it is worth it. I admire you.” I chose my words carefully, but Marissa still frowned.