Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83676 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 418(@200wpm)___ 335(@250wpm)___ 279(@300wpm)
My heart hurts.
I’m scared.
What if I never see Ciaran again?
CHAPTER 16
Ciaran
I can’t believe I left Louisa for this.
Cruz is cussing like a sailor as he clears out all his personal items from his car. He’s pissed, and I guess I would be too if a whole-ass deer had jumped into the window of my brand-new Camaro. When the officer told Cruz, “Welcome to Tennessee,” I think it only pissed him off more. I get it. He had bought the car for himself when we moved here, and he loved it. Cruz slams things around, shaking with anger, while I’m just thankful this is the reason he is in a ditch and not because he was drinking. Oh, and that he’s alive.
Though, I might kill him for causing me to leave Louisa.
The disappointment was apparent in her eyes and has me raging to kick my friend’s ass, but I refrain, helping him load my truck with his things. He is already pissed as hell, and picking a fight with him won’t help either of us. “Where were you? You never leave me hanging like that.”
Oh, so he’s picking a fight. Bet. “I was busy. My life doesn’t revolve around you.”
“You’re never busy,” he throws back at me, and I scoff. He isn’t wrong. I’m either working out, working on the ice, or reading, so I guess I have always been accessible. But today, I wasn’t. I wouldn’t have been tonight either if he hadn’t called. I would still be wrapped up in Louisa’s body, eating her pizza, and enjoying every bit of her. I’m actually wondering what she’d say if I called to come back over after I get Cruz situated. I think she’d welcome me back in her home, and I’m surprised by how badly I want that.
When I walked out of her place, I assumed the distance would help me think, really decide what the hell I am doing here. But all I can do is think of her. How her body responded to me, how she cried and moaned with her release, and how fucking good she took my cock. The little sigh she made when she lay on my chest has my stomach fluttering, as does the memory of how pleased she was when she watched me eat her pizza. How she wanted so badly for me to like it, when that was a given. The pizza was fantastic, just as she is, and I want more of both.
I want her, badly, and I think I knew that from the moment I saw her.
But there is a reason I hesitated, and the way I’m feeling right now is why.
I can’t willingly give myself to someone.
But this thing with Louisa may not be a case of willingness. I may have no choice, and that terrifies me. One day, and I’m already ready to ignore all the rules and boundaries I’ve made for myself. I’m ready to give myself to someone I don’t even know. What am I thinking?
This isn’t me; this isn’t who I am. I’m driven, I have goals, and I’m going to make them come true. It would be stupid of me to fall for Louisa when she is here and I’m leaving. Allowing myself to have her will render me devastated and broken, leaving her behind.
What am I doing here? This is probably just sex. She wanted to be fucked, and I did that. Yes, I want more. And yes, I know she does too. So what’s wrong with that? A lot. I could fall for her. Easily. No one has ever made me feel like she did. No one has ever just fit along my body the way she does. I’ve never wanted intimacy with anyone, but I want it with her.
Yup, this is a clusterfuck.
After loading the truck, I get in while Cruz finishes signing paperwork and handing his keys off to the towing people. I lean back in my seat, Louisa heavy on my mind. I absent-mindedly scroll through my phone, not really paying attention but needing the motion to ground me. My heart is pounding, and my stomach is a mess with anxiety. I know what I want, but can I allow myself to indulge in my wants? If I keep going to her, being with her, will I even have a choice? I always put my career first. But that’s because while hockey has hurt me a bit, it’s nothing compared to what she did to me. Fucking fuck, why am I thinking of her?
I find myself clicking on my mom’s contact, and when she answers, her voice full of joy, I can’t help but smile. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hey, baby! I’m surprised you’re calling. I’d thought you’d be out celebrating.”
I chuckle before explaining that Cruz got into an accident and needed my help. I leave out that I spent the afternoon and most of the evening pleasuring Louisa, but that’s mainly because I want to keep that for myself. No one else.