Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
“Now?” I ask. I wasn’t prepared to do it later, let alone now.
“Let’s do it now. Get it over with.”
I nod because agreeing to this out loud is more than I can do. He turns and heads back into the living room. I follow. My throat is so dry, my chest stinging so badly that I’m not sure I’ll be able to say anything.
“Hey, monkey. Your mommy and I want to talk to you for a second, okay?” Crew glances at me, waiting for me to sit. I lower myself beside Ever and he sits in the chair by the window.
Ever sits up and looks from Crew to me. “Okay. What do you want to talk about? Taking me to the park?”
“No, but maybe we can go tomorrow, okay?”
She seems pleased with the answer and looks at me.
“So, remember how we were at the doctor earlier this week? And they did all kinds of tests and things?” I ask.
Her eyes grow wide and she scoots back to the back of the couch. “Yes. It hurt.”
Her words strangle me. I look at Crew pleadingly.
“Yeah, those things suck,” he says, getting Ever’s attention. “Before you were born, I got hurt. And I had to do all kinds of tests like that. It doesn’t feel good.”
“You did?” she asks. “I didn’t know that.”
“I did. So I know what it feels like.”
Crew pauses, waiting for me to join in. I know he’s letting me lead the conversation and I appreciate that. I just don’t know what to say.
“Your doctors called, Everleigh. And you know how your belly hurts a lot?”
She nods and places a hand on her tummy.
“Inside your belly, there’s a knot. We can’t see it, but it’s there.”
She makes a face, her little nose wrinkled like a bunny. “A knot?” She rubs her stomach, trying to feel it.
“Kind of. And it’s going to keep making you really sick if we don’t get the knot to go away.”
“Okay. How do I do that? I don’t like my belly hurting.”
Like a baseball player, up to bat with three balls and two strikes and only needing a base hit to win the World Series, I choke.
“Here’s the thing, kiddo. We gotta give you some medicine that will get it to go away,” Crew says, taking the reins.
“Like the pink bubble gum stuff?”
“No, Ever.” Crew steeples his fingers and rests his chin on them. He studies her. “You’re a smart little girl, aren’t you?”
“I am! Mrs. Yeryar gives me a star on all my papers. And sometimes I get to be the Student Of The Day because I never have to move my slip to blue.” She looks seriously at Crew. “Blue is bad. That means you weren’t listening.”
He smiles at her, but I can see his heart breaking right alongside mine. “I’m going to talk to you like a big girl because you are such a good listener. Can you listen like a big girl for me for just a minute?”
Her face is somber and she nods, sitting a little taller. She likes being responsible and I know she’s going to listen to everything he has to say. I’m not sure, under the circumstances, if that’s a good idea. But I don’t really know what is at this point.
“In our bodies, we have things called cells. They are like little bubbles of information. Sometimes, and no one knows why, some of those little bubbles get the wrong information. They don’t listen.”
“I bet they move their slips all the way to black.” She laughs.
“They probably do.” He smiles sadly. “These little black-slip cells form small groups and as the group gets bigger, it makes you sick. And it can make you very, very sick if the doctors don’t get them to listen.”
“Is that what’s wrong with me?”
Her innocence destroys me. I look away, unable to make eye contact with either of them. This conversation is just as painful as losing Gage because, in a way, I’m losing Ever, too. I’m losing the purity of my baby girl. I’ll never be able to look in her eyes and see the untainted joy of a child again. She’ll have this looming over her head. She’ll always fear something is wrong. Cancer not only seeps into your body, it melts in your consciousness. As much as we try to keep things normal, our version of normal will be forever changed.
“It is,” Crew replies, his voice raw. “And the doctors and nurses are going to give you some medicine at the hospital. You’ll be there for a few days and it’s gonna be yucky. But, I promise, it’s better than letting more cells turn their slips to black.”
She reaches out and grabs my thigh. She wiggles herself closer to me and picks up my arm and lays it over her shoulders. I pull her in close and kiss the top of her head. I start to speak, but she cuts me off.