Total pages in book: 124
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 118459 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 592(@200wpm)___ 474(@250wpm)___ 395(@300wpm)
“Uncle Crew, I don’t want more yucky medicine.”
“I know, monkey. But your mommy and I will make sure everything is okay.”
He glances at me and I look at the ceiling. The tears are building, threatening to break the levee, and I can’t cry in front of her. I can’t let her see that I’m scared as shit . . . that I don’t necessarily believe that everything is going to be okay. I don’t want her to even suspect that I feel utterly helpless right now, unable to provide her with the damn therapy that will save her life. I don’t want her to worry about the banks denying me every loan I’ve tried to take out, every tear-filled phone call I’ve made this morning, pleading with the insurance and the hospital while Crew took her to the grocery store for milk.
I am her mother. I am the one that’s supposed to protect her from the world. And I’m letting her down.
A sob starts to escape and I swallow it down. If I’m going to fail her at everything, at least I can be strong while I do it.
“How long will it take?” she asks.
“We don’t know, sweetheart. We’ll have to see.”
She gazes into the distance and I know she’s thinking about what we’ve told her. Crew catches my eye and we wait for her to say something.
“Is it like the flu?” she asks finally. “Like I’ll get sick to my belly? My throat will hurt?”
“Kind of. What you have is called cancer,” Crew says tentatively. Everleigh stiffens. “Cancer? Megan’s mommy has cancer. She was very sick. Megan cried at recess. She thought she would never see her again,” She whirls around to face me, a look of horror on her face. “She said she lost all of her hair. Will I lose my hair, Mommy?”
She runs her hands through her long, black hair. When I don’t respond, she looks to Crew.
He looks baffled for a second before a slow smile graces his lips.
“Honestly, Ever? Maybe. But you never know.” He pauses for a minute. “You know how we call all candy on a stick a lollipop? But there are all kinds of lollipops, right? Some have gum inside, some chocolate, and some are red? That’s like cancer, monkey. We say ‘cancer,’ but there are all different kinds and every type does something kinda different.”
“Will it fall out in the bathroom? That’s what Megan said happened to her mommy. She said she would get out of the shower and a bunch of her hair would be in the bottom. That would be so scary.” Her bottom lip trembles as she looks between us.
She doesn’t understand. In her little mind, that’s all she can control. Her hair. Something so basic and something we take for granted is the one thing she’s focusing on.
“Did you know I used to be a fighter?” Crew asks her.
She shakes her head, tilting her head to the side. She’s obviously as confused as I am by his line of questioning.
“Well, I was. I used to fight a lot. And you know what we would do before we fought?”
She shakes her head again.
“We would shave our hair off.”
She blanches. “Why? Why would you do that?”
“Because,” he says exaggeratedly, “when you go into a fight and you have no hair, that tells the guy you’re fighting that you’re serious. That you came ready to win. It gives you power because it was your choice to shave your head. He can’t do that to you.”
Her little eyes light up and I hold my breath.
“So that’s what we should do. Cancer wants to fight us? We show it that we came ready for battle.” He tilts his head down, looking at her like they’re discussing strategy. Maybe they are.
“We have to shave our heads?” She seems to consider what he’s saying. “Am I going to die, Uncle Crew?”
I gasp, my stomach falling to the floor. Crew, too, looks shocked at the question but recovers quicker than me.
“No. You won’t. I promise you. We are going to fight this together.”
He looks up at me, his eyes crystal clear. “The three of us are going to beat cancer. It’s going to take a lot of work and it’s not gonna be fun. But if we show it that we’re serious, we’ll win.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, watching him closely.
Crew laughs, but I know it’s for her benefit. “Sure, I’m sure. Have you seen me?” He pulls the edge of his sleeve back and flexes his muscle, making Ever laugh. “I’m a monster.” He reaches forward and tickles her. She twists around on my lap, her giggles rushing over me.
“Okay,” she says simply, catching her breath. “Let’s win!”
“That’s my girl.” His eyes blur with unshed tears.
“We have to be scary,” she says, wiggling her fingers in front of her face like a monster.