Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
“My dad never wanted to set eyes on me again, but my mom protected me until I was eighteen. As soon as I graduated, I left. I didn’t want to spend another day in that house. My dad had already told me that I was dead to him. If my mom wanted to stay married and enjoy that life and ever see either of us again, then I was dead to her too. Tina was…she was kind to me. We got together, and I was searching for someone to save me, someone to cling to. I clung too hard and fell too fast, and she gave me everything my parents no longer could. When I asked her to go away with me to Europe—I don’t know why I picked it, it just seemed fucking far away—she said yes. She wouldn’t go without a promise, though, so I asked her to marry me, and we left.”
“How…” Remi’s exhale is heavy, and there’s so much pain in that one word. “How did Kimmy not find out? How did no one find out?”
Secrets. Always the secrets. So well kept. So well guarded. “Tina eventually did know. My mom secretly sent some money at first, but then my dad found out and put a stop to it. I had some when I left too, but it didn’t last for very long. My dad controlled the finances, and it was all my mom could scrape together. She gave me a start, and I’m thankful she did. I would have been more thankful if she’d fought for me harder, but she had Kimmy as well. My dad could have taken Kimmy and made it so she could never see her again. He had all the money and power while my mom was a stay-at-home mom. Everything was in his name, even the bank accounts. He chose what he gave her. There was nothing she could have done. She didn’t sacrifice me for Kimmy. She was trying to figure out how to keep and save us both, keep us all together.”
“I’m so sorry, Van. I really am.” Her hand flexes on my knee. It feels nice, that touch, her slim fingers, anchoring me to the bed, anchoring me to this reality, anchoring me here. Somehow, she makes the scattered parts of me feel real. “No one should have to go through that. No adult should act like that. Your dad raised you. He was still your dad. I’m just so sorry.”
“With Tina, it was…difficult. When there wasn’t any more money, and I was working and going to school, and she figured out there wouldn’t be more money coming in, she lost interest. I realized she wasn’t really with me for me. Everything changed, but I still clung to it like a fool. We were married, and I wanted to make it work. I always felt like I had something to prove. I never felt like I’d be enough.”
Remi’s hand traces over cautiously, and then her little finger bumps against mine. She tangles them together like she’s making a pinkie promise. I like that she didn’t say anything. That she just waits for me to get it all out. It’s the only thing I like because admitting how helpless I felt and still feel even now makes me ache.
“I didn’t lie to her.” I should probably explain that so I don’t look like an asshole. Although, I probably was an asshole. “I didn’t tell her either, though, and I should have. I was eighteen, and I was dumb and scared, and for the past two years of my life, I had been living in hell.”
“I’m so sorry,” Remi whispers again. What else is there to say, really? “That you had to go through that. It wasn’t fair to you.”
“I never felt like I could come back until my dad passed away. He wouldn’t have let me see my mom or Kimmy, and I wasn’t allowed to contact either of them. He would have persecuted my mom in order to punish me. The will was one last, cruel blow. A joke. A parting shot from the grave. The thing is, when Tina finally found out I was getting nothing, that’s when she checked out. The bodybuilder thing happened pretty much right after. When she sent the divorce papers a few weeks after she left, I signed them right away.”
“No one should be with someone for what they can get out of them,” Remi says a little viciously. She’s angry, but it’s for my sake. “No one.”
I should have been wiser. It’s one of many things I should have done differently about my marriage. I should have clued into that long before I did. Well, no, that’s not true. I knew, and I really didn’t do anything about it. I have to change tracts, though, because it’s too late to change what happened now.