Total pages in book: 73
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 67465 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 337(@200wpm)___ 270(@250wpm)___ 225(@300wpm)
“I thought if I could do it, be successful enough, be good enough, he’d say it didn’t matter. That it was in the past. That I was his son again.”
I stare into Remi’s eyes, the most beautiful eyes in the world, I think. They’re more beautiful right now than anything I’ve ever seen. I watch a tear trickle out the corner and race over her nose, splashing onto the pale blue bedspread below. Her room is simple, elegant, and clean. Everything is put away. The furniture isn’t new, and it’s minimal. The one treasure in her room is against the far wall—a huge bookcase overflowing with books. I like Remi’s room. It’s peaceful, kind of like her.
I can fall into her eyes right now, and she lets me. They’re safe. She’s safe. Why didn’t I ever really notice how wonderful she was? Why did I never wonder at all how Remi turned out or who she became?
Remi surges forward, shimmying on the bedspread until she has her arms around me. She crushes herself to me, astonishing me and stealing my ability to think or form words. Her arms wrap sweetly around my neck, and my face is next to her throat, only a few inches from her chest. From. Her. Chest. Her breasts—soft, pillowy breasts—press up against me. After she holds me for a minute, the best minute of my life, period, she looks down at me and sweeps a strand of hair off my forehead. I feel…seen, appreciated, welcomed, adored, and loved in a warm, friendly, sibling kind of way. It offsets the pain that has been roaring through my heart, scorching me raw inside for years and burning me down to ash over and over again. Remi is like rain. She falls around me like the soaking I got the other night, drenching me to the skin. It feels good this time. She feels good.
“You’re amazing. You’ve survived so much. You can do anything. Anything at all.”
I close my eyes and let her stroke her soft fingers over my forehead. I didn’t realize I was so exhausted. Mentally, yes, always. Emotionally, also always. Physically too. The bed is so welcoming, Remi is warm, and the sunbeams slanting over us feel good. I feel content, almost lazy, and safe enough to keep my eyes closed for just a few more seconds.
Remi’s words fill up all the spaces in my head, chasing away the memories, the anger, the fear, the feelings of worthlessness. I don’t feel lost right now. Instead, I feel very found and so very wanted.
I haven’t had a good sleep in ages, so maybe it’s no wonder that everything gets heavy, and my breaths grow even. Even though I want to stop myself from falling, I can’t.
I know that Remi’s here. I know she’s got me, and she’ll keep me safe.
CHAPTER 13
Remi
I couldn’t not sleep beside him.
So, in the morning, a very early five in the morning, it’s a bewildered, blurry gaze, still heavy with sleep but widening with astonishment, that meets mine.
“Oh my god,” Van mutters, backing up to the far side of the bed.
He fell asleep on his back, and I covered him up with an extra quilt from the linen closet, but during the night, he rolled around quite a bit. He moaned once, snored for hours, stole my pillow from me, tugged the blankets off me three times, and nearly shoved me off the bed twice with all his tossing and turning. I loved it all.
His eyes rake over the room, rake over me. He lifts the blanket up, and they rake over his body.
“Don’t worry. We’re still dressed.” I put my hand over my mouth to keep in a giggle. It’s a good thing my parents never check on me when the lights are out and it’s late. Plus, I have a lock on my door that I made sure was secure. It’s also a good thing they’ll be sleeping late this morning because it’s Saturday, and copious amounts of wings and beer will do that to a person. “You fell asleep last night and slept all night.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry!”
“That’s okay.” It’s more than okay. It’s something I’ve dreamt up. Now I can die happy. File that under #horriblypathtic and also under #thingsnevertosayoutloud.
“God, did I drool?”
“I don’t know. I was sleeping too.” Lies. I didn’t sleep a wink. I watched Van on his back for hours, at peace, his lashes starred and heavy, his breaths so even, shoulders rising and falling. He was sweet, and he looked younger and so much more carefree. The soul-deep loneliness that was in his eyes while he was pouring his heart out was shuttered away. I hoped he was dreaming and that it was sweet, but I stayed awake to guard him even in sleep, just in case I had to slay the monster in his nightmares.