Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55271 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
“Get it out, butterfly, get it out.” Ledger holds me closer, allowing me the time I need to cry. I realize I’ve yet to make an appointment with my therapist or talk to Nelle about what’s been going on, thinking I can just wade right in and not feel any blowback. The crumpling of the letter has me slowing down my tears. Plus, who really wants to ugly cry in front of the man who has owned your heart for as long as you can remember? Not me.
“Why does it hurt so much?” I lift my head, asking the question, trying to breathe through the pain that is consuming me.
“He doesn’t want you to hurt, butterfly, I promise you that.” He slides the letter away from my chest and tosses it on top of his. Montgomery didn’t write this long elaborate four-page letter, thank God, or I’d have never gotten through the whole thing.
“Montgomery.” I deep breathe. A hiccup comes out, and that’s when I realize it’s time to do my exercises my therapist taught me—inhaling, holding it in, counting the seconds, closing my eyes, and going to my happy place. One where I was a child, my family wasn’t gone, and I could run around the orange groves up and down the street across from our house, barefoot and wild through each row, hands out, touching the leaves on the trees, smelling the sweet citrus, coming home sticky from eating one too many oranges. Now, the orange groves are abandoned, there are no sprinklers on when a Florida drought hits us in the dead of summer, and all that’s left is blossoms every now and then. The fruit, though, it’s long gone
“Oh God, Ledger, he said that he failed me. How could he ever think that? Mont took care of everyone and everything, so selfless. He could never have failed me. The drunk driver did that, taking him away when he barely was able to explore life, to find a love like our parents shared, one that consumed them in the best possible way, taking Daddy right along with Momma. He’ll never experience half of what he deserves.” Life is precious. Life is also really fucking unfair. Ledger grabs my hips and pulls me closer so my thighs are on top of his. Nothing about this is sexual. This is Ledger being Ledger, taking care of me. No wonder he and Montgomery were best friends.
“Tulsa Rose, his biggest joy was you. Don’t drown in one word out of I’m sure the many he wrote. If he were here right now, he’d be kicking both of our asses, telling us to do the shit he couldn’t, don’t you think?” One of his hands moves from my hip to cup my cheek, tipping my head from its downward position to look at his eyes. I notice this beautiful man before me has redness around his own. Clearly, this is eating him up, too.
“You’re right. That damn saying of his, Life is for living.” I roll my eyes. Montgomery took life by the horns, bull or no bull.
“That sounds about right. I think we’re done in Mont’s room for the day. Let’s go grab some food, veg on the couch, and call the donation center to get some of the piles cleared up, alright?” He doesn’t get up first. He holds me there, head lowering and whispering his lips against mine, giving me exactly what I need.
“I’d love that. Can we eat on the back patio? I cleaned it off earlier today. I’m afraid there’s no room on the couch for us to sit.” I shrug my shoulders. My brother was a shoe whore—boots, sneakers, boat shoes, he had them in spades. And don’t get me started on the graphic tees. I kept the ones that were his favorites. I’ve got an idea for them.
“Sure, I’ll order dinner, unless you went shopping for more food besides sandwich fixings.”
“Uh, I did in fact not make it to the grocery store. Hank’s is one thing. Going to the grocery store before stopping at your mom’s, apologizing, and saying hello is another thing entirely.” Ledger smirks, knowing exactly how his mom can be.
“Smart move. Then it’s settled. Figure out what you want to eat, and I’ll get it ordered.” I spin my body, watching my legs in order not to kick him in the stomach, and start to make my way off his lap. He doesn’t let me, though; he’s got both his hands around my middle, holding me to him. This time, I know it’s more for him and less for me, so I stay exactly where I am because that’s where Ledger needs me to be.
18
LEDGER
“I think you might be too big for my bed, Ledger,” Tulsa Rose says as we’re lying in her bed next to one another. We ate dinner of turkey BLTs, neither of us wanting to ride into town when she had everything in the house from my grocery trip the other day. It didn’t take long with the two of us working beside one another, Tulsa slathering the bread with mayonnaise, slicing the tomatoes and lettuce, throwing the turkey on, then assembling the bacon on top after I fried it up. She scarfed down her sandwich along with half a jar of pickles, this brand filled with dill and garlic, enough that she could chase a vampire away. It still didn’t stop me from kissing her. We had a few beers, turned on the outdoor television. She looked longingly at the pool, which reminded me I need to get it taken care of soon. The days are only getting hotter, which means I’ll be the lucky son of a bitch to feast my eyes on Tulsa in a bikini.