Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66962 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 335(@200wpm)___ 268(@250wpm)___ 223(@300wpm)
“They’re never going to stop looking for me. They won’t forgive me for something like that.”
“But if this Luca found you, wouldn’t he know—”
“That I’m not my brother? Sure, but he’s not going to do the dirty work himself.”
“Fucking coward.”
“Why would he dirty his hands when he can snap his fingers and have someone do whatever he asks?”
I huffed. In the marines, I’d been the one to follow orders and do the dirty work for those with more pull, more power, more connections. I wanted it to be merit that got people ahead, but it wasn’t, not always anyway. If it had been, Grant would have been the one with the authority to order my rescue.
24
CARLO
I hated myself for not being able to stop my tears, but once Blade pulled me against him, I surrendered to it and let them flow. By the time I’d cried myself out, I’d made a huge stain on his t-shirt.
I sniffled as I pulled away from him and wiped my eyes. “I’m sorry.” I gestured toward his chest.
“I don’t give a fuck about my shirt. I want you to be happy.”
“The only time I’ve been happy in a long time is—” I froze, heart pounding. I’d been about to reveal far too much.
Blade held my gaze. “Tell me, Carlo. When have you been happy?”
I couldn’t resist his demand. “When we… When you take over, kiss me, fuck me, and tell me what to do, and when… when I can help you.”
“Let me help you too. If you could have whatever you wanted right now, what would that be?”
I sighed. “I’m not really sure. I thought I knew. When I was forced to leave home, I thought I wanted to be on my own, to just get away from everybody, but now… now I think I just want to be able to be myself.”
“Where do you think you could do that?”
I felt the blood pounding in my ears. “I can do that with you. I think I can anyway.”
“I want to fix everything for you, to make you comfortable, but I don’t know if I’m capable of that, not when day to day, I never know how far into the past my brain will pull me. I wish I was better for you.”
I cupped his face, desperate to make him understand how good he was. “You’re perfect. I want you to be exactly who you are too.”
My chest ached at the devastation on his face. “I lost that person, or at least I worry I have. I haven’t been myself since I was held captive. Grant defied orders to come to my rescue. He got me out, but it was a while before I could even speak. The first time I said more than a few words was at his trial.”
“They put him on trial for rescuing you?”
“That’s the military for you. You follow orders, or you pay the consequences.”
“But why would they order him to leave you there?”
“The commanders focus on what’s best for the most people and for the mission.”
I pulled him to me in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.”
Blade started to speak, cleared his throat, then tried again. “I’m closer to the man I used to be with you than I’ve been since I got back home.”
That was the biggest compliment I’d ever received. “You listened to my sad tale. I know it’s nothing compared to what happened to you, and I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but if you ever do, I’m here. I would listen. I would do anything I could to help you.”
Blade seemed to be considering my offer, eventually, he said, “Thank you. If I ever think I can, I’ll tell you.”
I wanted Blade to trust me. I wanted him to feel as calm and comfortable with me as I did with him. No one had ever soothed me like he did, not even my nonna. But I wasn’t sure how I would feel if he told me his story. I was sure he’d experienced something horrific, something that would make even most of what my father had ordered done pale in comparison.
How had he come out of that sane? I knew he questioned his sanity, but he was doing so much better than I thought I would. He must have been in so much pain.
“What’s wrong?” Blade asked.
“Nothing.”
“Carlo?”
“I’m just thinking about how incredibly strong you are.”
He shrugged. “It doesn’t take a lot to throw you around.”
I gave him a mock scowl. “You know that isn’t what I meant. You… you came back from being a captive, and…”
“I hide out here barely able to talk to anyone.”
“You talk to me without any problem.”
“You’re… special.”
“Damn right I am. I just wish…” I shook my head. I didn’t need to whine. I would be fine whatever happened. Someone would save me like they always had.