Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“I can acknowledge that a woman is beautiful, tell her without hesitation, just like I did with you today. I can see that she has a nice body or whatever, and it will go no further than that.” She nodded in understanding. “Besides, I would never disrespect my wife and the mother of my children that way, and I wouldn’t want another man to disrespect me or my wife that way, either. I am in a healthy marriage with my soulmate. She is fully aware of who I am, how I behave, what I expect, and what I will and will not put up with. She knows what she signed up for.”
Nadia smiled.
“Therefore, my wife helps me get my needs met with the understanding that I am going to need more physical and sexual intimacy than most men. She takes care of it and when she’s tired, I just go to Palm Beach.” Nadia burst out laughing, and he grinned. “Hey, it’s not cheating if it’s just my hand,” he teased. “All jokes aside, my wife is my helpmate, and I don’t think I’d even still be here, alive, if it wasn’t for her. Her love has gotten me through some really rough times. I definitely wouldn’t be as happy as I am without her. She is my lover, and truly my best friend.”
“That’s… that’s just beautiful. I love that.”
He placed his cigar down and looked directly into the camera. “But, uh, make no mistake about it, Nadia. Her husband is sick. I will always be sick. I will always be a pervert and sexual deviant. I hate saying that. It doesn’t sound good. I like to be seen in a good light, but I also have to be honest with myself. My issues affect her, and that is how relationships work. If we don’t heal, we hurt the people we love.” She swallowed. “My sexual demands at times can be a bit much, but she understands where it is coming from, and we work through it.”
“May I ask how you found out for certain that you’re a sex addict? Did you diagnose yourself, or did someone else do it?”
“I’ve known something was wrong with me at an early age but back then, we didn’t have names for these sorts of problems. People would just say, ‘Oh, he’s just a curious kid,’ then when I got a little older and was sexually active, it was, ‘He’s a horndog,’ or if it’s a woman doing what I did, people would say, ‘She’s a fucking nympho.’ People laugh it off because it’s sex, ya know? People like talking and joking about sex. But this is real, and when you have a compulsion like this, it’s not funny. There’s nothing pleasant about wanting to fuck all day, seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, if you could. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
“There’s nothing enjoyable about getting angry at your spouse for not wanting to go a fifth round with you when she has work in the morning, or she’s tired or sore from all the previous rounds … and you’re fucking losing your mind about her telling you ‘no’ because you’re in the middle of a compulsive episode. You’re making a scene, trying to make her feel guilty for not allowing you to at this point, cause her physical or emotional pain because you need your sickness fed. She’s physically worn-out, or she’s just plain tired of arguing with you, ya know?
“These are the things that used to happen early on in my marriage from time to time. Not always, but often enough that it was disruptive. Because see, I had control over it when I met my wife. But then, because I was with her, in a committed relationship followed by marriage, I allowed myself to start having sex regularly again. I was in the throes of my healing journey, and had been abstinent by choice. Well, that triggered something in my brain.” He pointed to his head. “I didn’t want sex with other women—that wasn’t it at all. I only wanted to make love to her, but I became obsessed with the sex with her. I transferred my addiction to just one person, but it was still an active addiction. I wanted it continuously, incessantly. It became a new spin off of the original compulsion and there is no way that it is humanly possible to keep up. Plus, mothafuckas got to eat, and work! Live their lives! Do other shit besides lay around fucking all day.” He laughed dismally.
“Damn.”
“Exactly. I never expected something like that to happen, but it did, and she worked with me through that. The few times these episodes did occur, once I settled down, I felt terrible afterwards because I knew I had said some things in the heat of the moment, cruel things that should not have been said, all in an effort to get my way.”