Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
“I’m here,” I growled as I stepped in her way. “You can do to me whatever you want. Fuck, I can give you an array of tools you can use to torture me and get the revenge you deserve.”
Sara’s eyes brimmed with confusion and shock. She touched her lips with her fingertips, obviously stunned into silence by my words.
“Just say the words. I’m yours. If causing me pain helps you heal, do it. Just fucking do it. Nothing’s worse than this fucking charade of a marriage we’re in.”
She swallowed hard and looked away, her dark brows pulled down in a harsh frown. “I never wanted to cause you pain.” She tried to walk past me again.
“Why not?” I stepped in front of her, so fucking tired of tiptoeing around the elephant in the room. “I hurt you, so now you should hurt me.”
She tilted her head up and met my gaze. It was the first time we really looked each other in the eyes for more than a fleeting moment. Tears shone in her brown eyes. My stomach tightened at the sight. Nothing hit me harder than the sadness in my wife’s eyes. It was the fucking worst torture in the world, so whatever pain Sara wanted to cause me would never measure up to one look from her. “I’m not angry with you.”
Rage flooded me. How could she say that? “What a load of crap. I’m fucking mad at myself, and you have to be too.”
“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to feel!” she hissed, her face flashing with fury. I straightened in surprise. I’d never seen Sara furious. She was always poised and gentle-minded, the very opposite of me. “Maybe your anger is the problem, but don’t make it out to be my issue. I’m not angry with you.”
“But you can’t stand my presence either,” I accused. Maybe I preferred her anger. It was better than Sara’s usual indifference.
She let out a sigh but didn’t contradict me. “If you really want to help me heal, help me become a mother. I want nothing more than a baby.”
I was completely taken aback by her request. Since we’d lost our unborn child and could barely be considered husband and wife, I’d put any thought of us becoming a family out of my mind. My life had centered around brutal revenge.
“You want a baby from me?”
“You’re my husband.”
Ahh, yes. She wanted a baby from her husband, not really me. Because I wasn’t the man she wanted at her side, just the man she had to tolerate.
I worried about what it would do to Sara if we lost another child. What if she had another miscarriage? And that was only the tip of the iceberg of my worries. “Sara, what we have can hardly be considered a marriage. We don’t talk, and we rarely see each other. You avoid me as much as you can. Do you really think this is an environment for a child?” Not to mention that we didn’t even share a bed. Fuck, did she realize I might have to touch her if she wanted a baby?
“We married because I was pregnant. We didn’t have any kind of relationship back then either. Nothing changed.”
“Because we didn’t try to change it,” I gritted out. I had tried in the beginning but eventually gave up. It wasn’t my place to push Sara, even if our broken marriage frustrated me.
Tears glistened in her eyes. “All I want is a baby. Will you help me?”
How could I say no?
“If that’s what you really want, then I’ll help you in whatever way you need.”
She swallowed and released a small breath, then tugged a hair behind her ear and gave me a nervous look. “I ovulate in two days.”
It took me a moment to understand what she meant. Wow, she really waited until the last moment to bridge the subject. “How do you want to do it?” I asked matter-of-factly. I tried to keep my emotions out of it.
It was an absurd question. But I couldn’t imagine Sara wanting to conceive in the natural way. Fuck, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to try. For our marriage, a sterile in vitro fertilization or whatever it was called would be best.
She swallowed. “I’m doing ovulation tests so when my hormone level spikes, it would be necessary for us to be intimate. Maybe one time will work like last time.” She fell silent.
Like last time. I didn’t want any of our future sexual encounters to be anything like that nightmare. I wanted to make up for the shit show she’d suffered through her first time. But for her, sex with me was a necessary evil she’d endure to get what she wanted: a baby.
I couldn’t even blame her. Why would she want to be intimate with me for any other reason? I hadn’t dared imagine being with Sara like that again and had stopped my mind every time it had wandered there when I’d seen her in pretty clothes.