Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
“You really want to try the natural way?” I asked tightly. I hadn’t even seen her naked or in underwear since our capture. Having sex was quite a leap for us.
Her cheeks reddened, and she looked away. I hated it when she avoided my eyes. “If you can do it…”
I wasn’t sure what she meant by it. “If that’s what you want.” I didn’t think it was a good idea. What if it ripped open old wounds that hadn’t even fully healed yet? Sara had already lost so much weight. I worried what this would do to her.
She gave a terse nod. “It is.”
“Then we’ll do it.”
“I have another request. I know it’s a lot to ask for, but if things go as planned, it might only be for a very short time.”
I raised my eyebrows in confusion.
“Can you please not be with any other women as long as we have to be intimate?”
I clenched my jaw and turned sideways, glaring at nothing in particular.
“I know it’s a lot to ask—”
“Dammit, Sara,” I muttered, turning back around to her. I couldn’t fucking believe her. “That’s what you think of me? Yes? That I’ve been fucking other girls all this time?”
She blinked up at me and swallowed hard. “We weren’t intimate…and I know you and Amo used to be wild.”
I nodded grimly. “Used to be.” I raised my finger with our wedding ring. “Before I put this on. Maybe our marriage is hardly that. Maybe it’s mostly for show, but my parents taught me to honor marriage so that’s what I’m doing.”
“I’m sorry for insinuating you weren’t faithful,” she said quietly.
I gave a terse nod. I was done with this conversation. “Is there anything else you want from me?”
“No.”
“Then everything’s settled. In two days, we’ll be intimate. Hopefully, you’ll get your baby so we won’t have to repeat it.”
She left the kitchen and headed for her room. Soon after, I heard retching and the flush of the toilet. I sagged against the kitchen counter and closed my eyes. If the mere thought of sex with me already made her feel sick, trying to get her pregnant was going to be a nightmare.
My belly clenched violently, but only bile left my mouth. I sat back on my haunches and closed my eyes. Gathering the courage to ask Maximus for a child had taken a toll on me. His reaction had been the one I’d been dreading. It was obvious he didn’t want to touch me again. I still remembered his disgusted expression in the cell afterward. Was it that? Did the idea of touching me again disgust him?
I sighed. In the aftermath, especially in the first few weeks after the incident, I’d been disgusted by my body. I’d barely been able to touch myself, not even to clean in the shower. I felt better now, most days at least, but today, the memories from that day echoed particularly loud, and I couldn’t silence them.
I wanted children. That was my motivation. Even if the process to get them would be hard, I’d go through with it.
Maybe I should have broached the subject of having children sooner. After a year of my silent retreat from him, Maximus must feel steamrolled by my sudden request. I considered going back to dinner to apologize, but gathering the courage to talk to Maximus and then throwing up had taken a toll on me physically and mentally, and I simply couldn’t muster up the energy.
I hadn’t been hungry all day, and now, I felt positively nauseated by the idea of putting food into my mouth, so I couldn’t even return to finish my meal.
Maximus didn’t come to see me. He never did. I wasn’t sure if he simply didn’t care how I felt or if he preferred to pretend everything was fine. Maybe it made things easier for him. I wasn’t even sure I wanted him to try consoling me. We still felt very much like strangers. And he was probably angry because I’d suggested he slept with other women. But it had never even crossed my mind that he might not. He had been a very sexually active man before our marriage, and now he didn’t have any sex at all. My guilt increased. Maybe Maximus had been so clipped because I’d hurt his feelings with my words. He always appeared so strong and unfazed that I often forgot that he had feelings too. I needed to talk to someone.
I picked up my phone and called Isa. She picked up after the second ring.
We had never been super close, not like good friends. We had been too different, but since my capture Isa and I had begun spending more time with each other. Even if our experiences weren’t quite the same, she too had experienced trauma through captivity. I admired the way she handled it: with her usual dose of sarcasm and stubbornness.