Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100332 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 401(@250wpm)___ 334(@300wpm)
“I hope you have a good reason to call. I’m currently writing a very satisfying murder scene,” she muttered in typical Isa style.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I can call—”
“Bull,” she interrupted me harshly. Then continued in a softer voice. “I can hear you’re upset. Do you need me to come over?”
I swallowed, tears welling up in my eyes. “Talking to you on the phone is good.” Isa had more freedom than many mafia girls of her status, but since her kidnapping, her dad, Matteo, had definitely upped her protection a lot. I didn’t want to cause her trouble.
“Okay. What happened?”
I told her of my conversation with Maximus. I hadn’t mentioned my decision to ask Maximus for a child with anyone. She was silent for several heartbeats before she said, “Maximus is a tough guy, but even tough guys have things they can’t brush off. That day probably still haunts him, so he might be anxious about taking the next step in your marriage.”
I bit my lip. Hearing Isa confirm that I had ignored Maximus’s feelings made me feel horrible.
“And maybe it would be a good idea to work on your marriage first before you try to be intimate.”
Deep down, I knew Isa had a valid point, but the idea of waiting years—because considering the state of our marriage, that wasn’t an unlikely timeframe to fix our problems—for a child increased the ache in my chest to unbearable dimensions.
“You’ll be a great Mom,” Isa assured me after a while. “But do you really think you can go through with having sex with Maximus? You haven’t been intimate with him since that day. Maybe you should at least try to build up to sex. Kiss and fool around a bit. Learn to feel comfortable with his touch and enjoy your body again.”
How could she sound so poised and grown-up when she was three years younger than me?
“That’s why I’m glad we’re chatting on the phone. You’d laugh at how red my face is.” I sighed. “I don’t think that would work. I don’t think it’s something Maximus wants.”
“Have you asked him?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Then you can’t know. Let me ask another question… what do you want? Apart from a baby.”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure I can ever be with him without being reminded of that day.”
“Not if you don’t try. You have to take action. Replace the bad memories with good ones.”
“Is that how you’ve handled your kidnapping?”
“I don’t see my capturers on a daily basis.”
“But now that there’s peace and that Amo and Greta are married, you will see them more often.”
“I know,” she said tightly. “I let the whole thing bother me for too long, allowed it to darken my days and nights. That’s over. I’m giving fate the finger and taking life into my hands.”
“Maybe that’s what I’m doing by deciding to have a child. Sex isn’t important to me.”
“It is, just not in a good way,” she contradicted.
I spent half the night thinking about Isa’s words. I had never asked Maximus what he wanted. Maybe because I was terrified that he didn’t want children. I wasn’t sure I could ever be happy again without filling the void the pregnancy loss left in my chest.
Maximus was in the kitchen, leaning against the table, his coffee and his cell phone in his hands.
He looked up when I entered and gave me a tense smile before he returned his attention to the screen. Even on good days, we hardly talked during our morning coffee, and today was far from good.
I poured myself a coffee—Maximus always cooked enough for the two of us—and moved toward the table. Maximus made room so I could sit down, but instead, I leaned against the table beside him—something I’d never done. I would have preferred to sit down, but I had a feeling Maximus didn’t feel like sitting down. I took a sip from my coffee. The scent of the coffee mingled with Maximus’s crisp aftershave.
“What are your plans for the day?” I asked, cringing at how forced it sounded.
Maximus put his phone in his pocket and focused on me. “I go to work,” he said, obviously taken aback by my interest.
I nodded. “I’m going to my parents’ house to help Mom paint one of Inessa’s walls mauve.”
“I know. You mentioned that she thinks her room was too childish.”
I blinked. Sometimes I chatted about whatever crossed my mind during our brief evening conversation or when we were in a car together, but I’d never taken into consideration that Maximus was actually listening. I gave him a sheepish smile.
“You thought I didn’t listen to you.” There wasn’t accusation in his voice, only resignation.
“Because you rarely say anything in return,” I said in a feeble attempt to defend myself.
“I’m not someone who talks a lot, especially not with people I don’t know well.”