Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80689 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 403(@200wpm)___ 323(@250wpm)___ 269(@300wpm)
He chuckles.
God, he’s so fucking sexy when he chuckles like that.
He leans toward me and closes his eyes before offering me a kiss, then another. His tongue slides out and lingers on my bottom lip before he pulls away, opening his eyes once again.
Despite his playful, open expression, I know he’s holding something back.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asks, because I must be staring at him.
“Just thinking about some things.”
“I’ve been thinking about some things too.”
I decide to go for a subject change before I slip up and say something neither of us wants mentioned while we’re under surveillance. “You know, I remember when we first started messing around, you wanted to fuck me.”
He glares at me. “I’ve kind of been fucking you.”
“No, like topping me. And I guess I’ve been so greedy for your hole that it’s been all I can think about, but lately, I’ve been curious what it’d be like for you to fuck me.”
One of his brows shifts slightly. “You want me to top you?”
“I mean, I’m nervous since I’ve never done that, but you make it look…pretty good.”
“I’ve lured you into bottoming because of my impressive skills? That’s hot.” His eyes widen like he’s as excited as I am to try this out. “I’d fuck you tonight if you hadn’t hammered all the cum and energy out of me.”
His attention is drawn to the sheets, which must’ve shifted because of how hard that made me. He reaches under the covers and grabs hold of my shaft, snickering in this cocky way, like he’s pleased to know he did that.
“Are you some kind of AI fuckbot?” he asks.
My smile spreads into a grin. God, he knows how to make me smile.
“Yeah, I’ll fuck you, Jonas,” he says, my cock swelling in his grip even more. “Any other requests?”
“I’d love if you did it with your eyes open.” I must be too caught up in the afterglow, or hypnotized from gazing into Ryan’s eyes, because I actually say the truth, and I regret it the moment it escapes my mouth.
Ryan’s playful expression is gone in an instant, his eyes no longer on me, his hand pulling away from my cock.
I fucked this up.
I know what his issue is. I fucking know that this is something that bothers him.
“I’m sorry. I—I—”
Fuck.
“That’s not something I’m willing to do, Jonas.” There’s no apprehension, no question in his voice. It’s a final judgment he’s delivering to let me know that if I had a fantasy where he looked at me while we’re fucking, I need to get it out of my dumb brain.
It’s a reminder that there was a man who’d captured his interest, whom I happen to resemble. That’s why he fucks me. That’s why he can’t look at me, because he knows I’m not really him, and because the pain of being fucked by a man he loved, but who loved his brother instead, terrorizes him. And now, for some fucked-up reason, Simon feels the need to torture him about this.
“Forget I said it. Please.” I don’t want this to change anything. I don’t want it to change us. Or stop anything we’ve been doing. “I should go.”
I roll toward the edge of the bed, when I feel Ryan’s gentle touch on my arm. I stop and turn back, hoping that maybe he’s willing to pretend I wasn’t such a fucking inconsiderate asshole.
“I don’t want you to go. Stay tonight.”
It’s the first time he’s extended the invitation. The first time I see something else in his expression. Not the frustration or anger he sometimes shows while we’re working together. Not the grief I sometimes catch glimpses of in moments when he’s gazing off or when he shared his secret with me. Not the ecstasy and joy and laughter when we’re fucking around. It’s serious—this desire for me to be with him tonight.
“Please,” he adds, and I relax back against the pillow. “Will you stay?”
“Yes.”
Just as quickly as he blocked me, it feels like he gave me something else, something special, and I’m so intrigued by Ryan that I’m willing to accept whatever he’s willing to give me.
He moves closer, puts his arm around me, then relaxes his head against my chest.
A rush of energy shoots through me as he rests, his face planted against my flesh, his hold firm.
And I’m just glad I didn’t totally fuck this up.
14
RYAN
I feel safe in his hold, lying against his firm body.
Feeling his warm touch.
Tasting his body.
Smelling his scent.
My senses are coming back to life, along with a vitality like I had as a child.
“I’d love if you did it with your eyes open.”
A confession, one he regretted as soon as I reacted.
I hope my hold lets him know that it’s not about him. I want him here. I enjoy our time together. Much more than I should allow myself to, since I’ve started pretending that it’s not going to end.