Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79147 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Hayden laughs again. It’s a sexy, husky little chuckle that sounds so different from his smooth voice.
“Um…let’s see. I can’t believe I’m doing this, you know? I’m not typically one to lay all my shit out there.”
“Then just lay some of it,” I answer honestly. I don’t want him to tell me anything he doesn’t want to tell.
“Hmm…okay.” Then he puts his feet up on the seat beside me. “When I was in high school, I used to do all the school plays. I was always complimented for my acting, and it was something I got a lot of attention for. Won some awards. Figured I’d go out to LA and try to be an actor. Mom wasn’t thrilled with the idea because it meant I wouldn’t be around her, but that’s part of what I liked about it. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mom, but we just had each other when I was growing up, so I needed to spread my wings a little bit. Dad wasn’t ever around.”
“Wasn’t around in what way?”
“He was an attorney, and Mom couldn’t compete with one of his younger, hotter interns when she started working with him. Same old sad story, you know? Mom wasn’t the type to get hung up about it. She’s moved on with her life. She dates and stuff, but obviously, she’s a little pickier after her first mistake. Anyway, I hopped on a plane and started waiting tables while renting a room in West Hollywood. I figured surely I’d find a job in a play or in some bit part after a year or two, but nothing. I was taking classes and everything, but I couldn’t even get an agent or a casting director to let me in the door. I wound up hanging with a bunch of other unemployed actors. Guys I thought were my friends. They liked to party, and they liked drugs. Took me a few blackouts before I realized I needed to come back, which wasn’t easy for me. I felt like a failure, and Lance was there…a guy who had already stumbled into success. After feeling like I failed in LA, I needed that. I thought I could feel successful by association. Doesn’t really work that way, though. He was just a new drug—a new distraction to ignore having to deal with my fucked-up life.”
Wow…I would never have thought that was his history. I’m pretty honored he shared it with me, but I also don’t think it’s as bad as he thinks it is. “I wouldn’t say your life is fucked up. I’d just say it’s lived in, which is really what life should be anyway.”
“Nah. Maybe not. Just doesn’t feel like it’s going anywhere fast. Like every night that I’m bussing tables for people with actual careers and lives, I’m waiting on some future that just isn’t in the cards for me.”
“Shit,” I tell him. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Hayden shrugs. “It is what it is.”
But I have a feeling it means more to him than he’s sharing. Or there’s more to the story.
“Do you still love him?” I ask.
“No. But there was a part of me who wanted to…who wanted to make it work because I think it’s important to give your all if you’re in a relationship with someone.”
“I agree. Doc always says if you don’t love well, be real, and try to leave the world better than it was when you found it, or there’s no point in being alive at all.” Those words have always stuck with me.
“He sounds like a cool guy.”
“He is,” I reply. The best. “You’ll have to meet him sometime. Big-ass bald tattooed guy who looks like he eats bones for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but he has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met.”
“I have a feeling he might say the same thing about you.” Hayden smiles, and my pulse kicks up a notch.
“Stop trying to get in my pants. I already blew you once. That’s all you get from me, roomie…unless, should we go find that sailor again?”
We laugh at that. I like Hayden, I realize. He’s a fun guy to be around, and I’m glad I’ll have the opportunity to get to know him even more.
“Don’t let your ex make you feel bad about moving on, okay? You’re not doing anything wrong. You didn’t do anything wrong. You can’t control how he feels.” I finish my coffee just as the waitress brings our check. When Hayden hands her his card, she leaves. “And just because you got cock-blocked tonight, doesn’t mean we’re giving up on that shit, okay? What kind of wingman would I be if I lost focus this early in the game?”
“Not a very good one, I guess.”
Hayden signs the receipt before the two of us leave. We get back to Metropolis a little while later. I fill a glass of water, and Hayden tells me he’s going to bed.